Sep 8, 2008 | Life at Home, Out and About
I spent some time at Stillness Manor and Spa this weekend.
Sir G decided that I needed a break from the house and very kindly organised a time-out in the beautiful Constantia Winelands. So, on Saturday afternoon we packed up some stuff and headed off to Stillness Manor for an overnight stay.
He also decided to treat me to a deep tissue massage at the Spa that I was so looking forward to because my neck and shoulders were totally locked up and I was in some serious pain.
Anyway, we got there, checked in and offloaded our stuff.
Then it was time for my treatment so I trotted up the path to the Spa and met my therapist, Nadia, who made me feel very welcome and comfortable. I’m not used to this kind of thing, so I didn’t really know what to expect! Anyway, she worked on me for an hour and WOW … it was deeeevine!! Hells, I enjoyed that 🙂 Yes, it was very painful, but she managed to get rid of some of the spasms that have been giving me so much grief lately. Painful pleasure …
And I was so ridiculously relaxed after that I could hardly move! All I could do after that was sit outside on our balcony and take in the magnificent view while Sir G went off for his treatment.
I did NOTHING for the rest of the day. I totally chilled, listened to the sounds of the country side and just r-e-l-a-x-e-d.
About the most strenuous thing I did the whole day was read a few pages of my book … I was seriously ended!
I crashed early (what a pleasure!) and woke up on Sunday morning with just enough time to shower before we headed off for breakfast. I felt completely battered and bruised from the previous day’s massage though and walking to the breakfast room was not easy hehe 🙂
We tucked into a HUGE English Breakfast … wow, so much food! I hadn’t eaten a slap up brekkie like that for years and it was delish, but boy was I stuffed afterwards. And then it was time to check out *sigh* … that really all seemed way too short.
I got back home at about 12 yesterday and decided that I was not going to do much for the rest of the afternoon. I had a few hours to kill before the kids got home from their dad and I just wanted to carry on with the novel experience of RELAXING. So, I did. I left my computer alone and I didn’t do any chores. I just ready my book and had an afternoon nap. Lovely 🙂
I was seriously rested by the time the kids got home for once … I *nearly* went to my computer to check email and stuff, but I managed to stop myself hehe. To be honest, I was starting to feel a bit itchy and a bit guilty about *not working on the weekend* – how mad is that? Sheesh …
Anyhoo, I then did something I haven’t done for months – I fired up my newly swapped-out Xbox and got busy with Burnout. Hells, it was nice to play again!! And yeah, I’m still the Crash Queen WAHA!
So that’s it – that’s what I did with weekend. Virtually nothing. And it was great. I really needed that – I really needed to switch off from everything for a few hours. When you turn off the noisy tap of busy-ness, you completely de-stress.
I seriously need to do that more often and get used to taking time out without feeling guilty. It’s amazing how easily we can get so wrapped up in the rapid business of life that we forget how important it is just to be still for a while and appreciate the value of doing nothing.
Sep 5, 2008 | Friends and Family, Life at Home, Out and About, Personal, Work
Mmk, so it’s Friday.
TGIF?
Yes, for a change 🙂
It’s actually been a pretty good week on the whole and I feel like things are coming together a bit for me. I can look back on the last 7 days and see progress – both personal and business progress – I feel like I’m getting somewhere!!
Nothing too earth-shattering, but the wheels, they are a-turning …
Firstly, I just have to tell you how enormously proud of Son#1 I am. Oh wow, my boytjie is handling so well. His attitude and behaviour is inspiring!! He’s taking responsibility for his life, for his own growth and for his own safety. He’s 100% committed to being clean and stable and he is acknowledging where his danger zones are and what he needs to do to avoid them. That’s huge! It means a complete turn around from his old habits and lifestyle and he’s making it happen. I’m looking at what he’s doing to make the required changes in his life and I am immersed in love, admiration and respect for him. He’s SO getting his shit together!
And my baby, Son#2 is cooking with gas dude! Yeowza but that child is blossoming 😀 I’m thrilled to see him coming out of his shell at last. Skate boarding has been his ticket to a new life. Seriously, he’s so passionate about it and he’s made so many new friends because of it that his confidence levels are *soaring*. I’m so happy for him.
JOC, my new PA, is ROCKING!! Sheesh … this young lady is taking SUCH a load off my shoulders. Honestly, if you are even toying with the idea of getting a PA then take it from me – the investment is sooooo worth it. She is totally taking care of all the shit that I seriously don’t have time for. It’s freed up so much of my time and energy and I now feel that I can focus on the things that REALLY need my attention, and the stuff I WANT to do.
One of the things she did for me this last week was sort out my fuxored Xbox!! And not only did she organize a console swap, *somehow* she managed to get them to give me an ENTIRE new system that came bundled with 2 wireless controllers and 4 games! Yussee … I’m such a lucky brat hehe. I have 2 of the games already, but I can just trade those. My 2 new games are Gears of War and Mass Effect … pretty cool hey? And yes, I kept my old drive so I haven’t lost anything 🙂
Now that I have more free time, I’m getting my teeth into the business again, sorting out strategies to take us forward and it’s all VERY exciting! And I’m planning to renovate the office too. Long overdue – the place looks like a shit hole. I have a vision for it, I just need to document it, sketch it out and see what the builder has to say. He’s coming on Tuesday to have a look and quote on the job. Logistically, it’s going to be a nightmare – we’ll have to all move inside the house while it happens which is not going to be fun. Physically moving everything, finding space and sorting out all the phone and network cabling is going to be a huge challenge … BUT, it *must* be done – that’s one very sick office out there and I want my people to work in an inspiring environment. JOC and my mom (who works for me too) are going to climb in and help out on that one.
Then there’s my training and diet. I finally took the plunge and dived into Operation Yellow Bikini! It’s not going too badly, although I must confess to not training as much or as hard as I would like to do. I think I’m going to have to get in touch with my Personal Torturer at the gym next week and setup some appointments. Then I’m *forced* to go and train my butt off (no pun intended). The good news though is that my eating has improved drastically! Yes, I still snack at night, but I’ve stocked up on biltong, nuts and carrots instead of raiding the “cookie jar”. I’ve not drunk any coke since Sunday either, which is brilliant! I’m sticking to my water, tea and the occasional glass of fruit juice. And in just 5 days I’ve managed to shed a centimeter or two. YAYNESS!
And this weekend is my weekend “off” – it’s the X’s turn to look after the boys. I didn’t have any plans and I wasn’t really looking forward to wasting my weekend. I could have just worked or studied I suppose, but that’s not really my idea of maximizing my free time. I want to get a life remember? So yeah, my bad, I didn’t arrange any social activities. But then, just as I thought it was all going to be terribly dull, Sir G suggested that we go out for some drinks tonight. A friend of his has recently opened a place in Rondebosch so we’re going to make a turn there 🙂 And THEN, he surprised the hell out of me … he has organized a trip to … wait for it … a SPA …
Oh my hat, he’s booked me in for a deep tissue massage tomorrow!!!! How ridiculously sweet is that? He says I can just sleep, or read or do *whatever* for one whole day – no worries, no stress, no distractions, nothing. I’m looking forward to that so much *sigh* … again, I am SUCH a lucky brat!
Sheesh … TGIF 😀
xxx
Aug 28, 2008 | Life at Home
There was a *possible* glitch on the radar for this weekend in that Son#1 wanted to go the grade dance at his school but I thought it wasn’t a good idea. Actually, it’s just about the worst idea in the History of the Universe. It’s far too soon for him, he’s not ready for that (read: partying, alcohol, etc) yet. Plus the school had called me to express their concern about his intention after hearing about it via the grapevine.
So I emailed the X to let him know that I was going to have a chat to Son#1 and explain to him why I didn’t think it was a good idea for him to go to the dance. I wasn’t really expecting much of a response from the X (I don’t think), he usually stays out of stuff like this, especially if it’s “my” weekend … but, here’s what he replied with:
“In terms of the Dance I will support your decision, I did tell him it was not a good idea.”
GOOD LAWD!!
I nearly choked on my left-over pizza when I read that!
Not only does he “support” me on this, but he’s already spoken to Son#1!!
Huh?
Mmk, who are you and what have you done with the X!?
Aug 15, 2008 | Kids, Life at Home, Personal
Son#1 has reached a turning point – this is what he says, and the counselor’s agree with him.
At yesterday’s session, he told us how he had had a brilliant week, that he’d really been working hard and that he’d started to talk … for the first time. It’s taken weeks of being in the clinic, but he’s finally begun to open up to the other kids and to the counselors and on Wednesday, he spoke for the first time about his attempt on his life.
He’s also found an NA (Narcotics Anonymous) sponsor, which he’s very happy about.
At last … he’s participating, he’s thinking, he’s confronting, he’s digging and he’s talking. For so long now, for so many years, I have wanted him to open up, to talk about how he’s feeling instead of just saying “fine” all the time!
He’s facing issues that he’s blocked out his mind and numbed with alcohol and narcotics for years. He’s dealing with trauma that has wounded his soul and he’s winning. He’s starting to look human again, he’s starting to look like the beautiful strong young man he really is.
He’s allowed to come home this weekend and sleep here too, so I’m going to fetch him a bit later and then I’ll find out what he is and isn’t allowed to do over the next two days.
I know there was a bit of conflict around him going out tomorrow – the counselors want him to have one “clean” weekend in the house before that happens, and he was not happy about that at all. So that could potentially be the only hiccup.
I sure hope so … after what happened last weekend (which the counselors reckon was a good thing) and the way I’m feeling right now, drama is something I/we can all do without!
Aug 10, 2008 | Life at Home
Today I was allowed to fetch Son#1 from the clinic to bring him home so that he could pack a few of his things up, and take them back there …
When I arrived and asked what time I should return him, thinking that we perhaps had 30 minutes at the most, the sweet nurse on duty whom I had never met before told me that I could keep my boy at home for 2 hours – that we should have some lunch and chill for a while (yes, she said “chill”). I could have kissed her 🙂
So we had 2 hours together, and even though he was in a closed mood, not really up to doing much or saying anything, that time was precious for all of us. We picked up some lunch from McDonalds, we came home to eat and chill for a while. Son#2 was happy to see him again, and we listened to music and pottered around, just appreciating the small taste of “normal” family life we had been allowed.
Two very special hours on this beautiful Sunday afternoon. My heart is warm.
Aug 9, 2008 | Life at Home
An eventful night it’s been!
I had to take Son#1 back to the clinic just now … I’ve been on the phone to his dad to update him on the story and get his input on how to handle things.
Luckily Son#2 was fast asleep during all of this and was spared the drama.
The counselor will see Son#1 first thing in the morning and after that well, I’m not sure if they’ll allow him out again this weekend.
I’m distraught … sitting here alone in the dark, feeling so helpless and sad and afraid.
SHIT!! SHIT!! SHIT!!
***********************************************************************************
UPDATE: 09/08/08 8:20am
In the light of day, looking back at last night, I realise this:
I’m such an IDIOT!! Why the fuck did I leave alcohol in the house??!!! I feel so stupid!!!
DAMMIT, you dumb woman!
I should have been more careful. I should have thought about him getting up in the night and quietly hunting for booze. If he hadn’t come to me with an empty bottle in his hand, asking me to help him, I would never have fucking known!!
Oh god …
In the car last night, on the way to the clinic, through red-hot tears and pungent whiskey breath, he said to me: “Oh Mom! Why did I DO this? I have fucked up my life!! I am going to have to stay there longer, I’m going to fail this year, I won’t get into university. My whole life is fucked!”
***********************************************************************************
UPDATE: 09/08/08 10.30am
So the X has just arrived with Son#1 to fetch Son#2 for breakfast – he fetched our boy from the clinic and spoke to the counselor there (Tag Team Partner No.1).
The deal is that Son#1 is either in his dad’s care 100% of the time, or he’s at the clinic. He is not allowed to be here with me anymore because I, and I quote, “am obviously not strong enough to handle him.”
Nice.
Do I like hearing those words?
No.
Is it a true statement?
Not in my opinion, no.
Will I do what the professionals think is in the best interest of my child?
Yes.
