May 13, 2009 | Kids, Life at Home, Personal
Hmmm … ja … so I obviously haven’t written anything in a while.
Here’s some inside info: if I’m quiet for a long time, you KNOW something’s wrong.
At first, that was because I was in a my-life-is-so-excrutiatingly-dull-there’s-nothing-worthwhile-to-write-about phase. And I’m not exaggerating. My day-to-day existence suddenly appeared to be SO stale and monotonous that I couldn’t even bring myself to write about it. It seemed utterly pointless. There was just NOTHING going on and yes, I was in a total rut. Again. Hey, it happens you know? Well, to me at least. Meh.
So then, last week events took a drastic about turn. For the worse. And in the last week, I’ve been so wrapped up in the new drama happening, and trying to keep my head above water, that I simply haven’t had the energy to write anything. It’s been a heartbreaking and tearful few days, a massive test of my resolve.
So my life has gone from one extreme to the other in a very short space of time!
The Drama?
Well, it’s Son#1 related. And it’s ugly. It’s resulted in him moving out of home. But that’s not where it’s going to end. There’s going to be a LOT more crap to deal with before this show plays out … I may write more about this, to vent. Or not. Although I have plenty to say on the matter, I’m a little hesitant to share my feelings because any posts about the issue could very well add fuel to the fire at this stage. And SHIT, that sucks.
I feel a bit censored and I’m really not sure how to best deal with it. You know Son#1 reads my blog (so does the X btw), and he seriously takes me to task if I write stuff he doesn’t like. That shouldn’t bother me. Or should it? This is my outlet, but it’s public … I don’t to hurt anyone but at the same time I don’t want to feel like my freedom has been curtailed in any way, especially since him laying into me (about more than just this blog) is partly to blame for the current drama.
What are your thoughts on this?
Me
Apr 16, 2009 | Friends and Family, Kids, Personal
Just one more sleep until my “baby” turns 18 …OMG, there’s a whole lot of Over the Hill issues right there!
Jeez, I can’t frigging believe it. 18 years ago, I was in the middle of my 24-hour labour, gearing up to squeeze out my little girl. Yup, he was supposed to be a girl! I had pink blankies and everything wah!
Anyhoo … so tomorrow’s his big day and he’s organized a braai at a spot in Obs for all his nearest and dearest. That includes the X. And the X’s brothers …
So, yeah … that’s going to be tricky. Not so much with the younger uncle who I get along quite well with (he’s my age), but with the X’s twin, who lives in the UK. My last conversation with him was on the phone, just after the X had moved out. I’ll never forget what he said to me: “Yes well, if you were MY wife, I would have slapped you ages ago!” I haven’t spoken to him since.
I was incredibly upset at the time. Deeply hurt that someone could compound the pain of what I was going through with such unjustified cruelty. But then I decided “Fuck him. Fuck them ALL!” That whole side of my family was *obviously* going to side with their blood kin and I gave up trying to vindicate myself. I let them blame me, scold me and badmouth me because I knew that trying to defend myself to them would just seem pathetic and desperate.
They all lay the blame firmly at my feet. The X can do no wrong in their eyes and you know what? That’s fine with me because *I* know the truth and the people who matter to me also know the truth, no matter what lies were spread about me (and yes, I got to hear about some SHOCKERS). Not ONE of them bothered to talk to me about the situation or find out my side of the story. I’ve known these people for 30 years.
But, they are not my family anymore. I divorced out of their clan just over 2 years ago and they no longer have any hold over me. I’m not remotely interested in their lives and if I never had to see any of them again, that would be absolutely fine with me. But … I have to face them all tomorrow. And I shall, for my boy.
One good thing – SHE’s not going to be there. Her kids are though. That’s cool – they’re just kids and they had nothing to do with the ugliness. But she had everything to do with it and I told Son1 that I wouldn’t go if she pitched up. No way. Not for all the tea in China would I want to be around someone who (at HER bloody age) should have damn well known better but whom deliberately and cruelly set about to rip apart our family. If I ever see her again, I’m quite ready to beat the shit out of her.
Mmk, so then next thing that’s on my mind is that Son1 is doing his driver’s test at the crack of dawn tomorrow. (Good luck my boy!!!) And the X is buying him a car, which I am totally against. I’m not anti my boy getting a car, no … I’m anti the fact that it’s just being bought for him – a brand new Ford Fiesta (apparently). I think it’s crazy, over-the-top-spoiling. I would have liked to see him do something to EARN the car, instead of it just landing in his lap, with absolutely no effort on his part whatsoever. It’s not right.
*sigh*
Apr 15, 2009 | Personal
My body, brain, energy and creativity DO NOT KEEP OFFICE HOURS.
So … instead of struggling against the ticking hands of the clock (and not getting anywhere worth the mammoth effort), I have decided to listen to “me” and go with the flow of my own energy. Like I used to, before I had other people working here.
That means I’m going to work when I feel like it, play when I feel like it, nap when I feel like it, read when I feel like it, etc. etc.
I’m (quite literally) tired of the constraints of a 9-5 day. So, to hell with that. I’m going back to operating in the way that suits me best and results in optimum productivity and fulfillment!
Apr 8, 2009 | Personal
The minute I decide that changes are in order, that it’s time to do something different … the proverbial shit hits the fan at work and all my energy is consumed by my business.
Botheration.
Not that it’s shit really, no, that’s not true – it’s lots of work coming in and that’s GOOD. It just leaves virtually nothing of the me I need to tackle other stuff.
Curtain up on The Juggling Act.
Apr 6, 2009 | Personal
I have to admit, THAT was one of the most insanely special birthdays EVER!!
Good lawd … I received SO MANY messages wishing me happy happy – Twitter, SMS, Email, Facebook – I’m *still* going through them all and feeling ridiculously touched that so many of you took the time to wish me. Wow, it’s taken my breath away somewhat and I don’t how I’m going to find the time to reply to everyone.
So, for now … here’s a HUGE THANK YOU from me to ALL of you for making my birthday so special 😀
I had a wonderful day, got *completely* spoiled hehe 🙂 And getting to see lots of you at Forries on Saturday afternoon was just brilliant! Awesome to meet some new people IRL at last too.
I have some photos to post but I’ll do that a bit later – my Inbox is the size of France and I need to take care of some business first.
xxx
Mar 31, 2009 | Personal
Mmk, so my short ‘n sweet birthday wish-list is apparently just a tad TOO short … lots of people are still asking me what I want.
Hmm …
You know, this is going to sound a bit odd, but I honestly can’t think of anything!
*ponders*
Let me just write then, and see what comes up:
- I’d love for someone to help me change the dead light bulbs in my house. Shortness sucks.
- A head, neck and back massage would be pretty good – struggling a bit with this right now.
- Clean windows would rock my world too.
- Could do with some help sanding and treating my bench outside – before winter sets in.
- Flowers, flowers and MORE flowers – can never have too many!
- An external CD drive thingy for my little netbook.
- Enormous house on the beach.
- Gift voucher for La Senza – have literally busted out of my bras WAH!
- One of those big, bouncy gym balls.
- And books – any books – I devour everything!
There.
That about covers it 😀
Oh! One last thing … a casual get together with a bunch of you guys on Saturday afternoon.
Keen?
If you are, join me at Forries at about 3pm and let’s celebrate/commiserate together!
