Including Son#1, Son#2, Miss Boats and INSANE amounts of work.
But I’m handling …
I’m actually surprised!
There are no signs of any cracks yet, despite the fact that I’m carrying an awful lot and juggling a whole lotta balls. Oh sure, I’ve gotten upset about stuff, but it’s not eating me. I’m feeling ok.
Shite … hope I haven’t jinxed it now!
We’ll see.
You could have kept it from me. That would have been so easy.
Mmk, perhaps not … I seem to have acquired a new-found hyper-sensitivity for knowing when people are hiding information from me, or when things are not quite what they seem. My gut is working overtime lately, talking to me like never before.
Anyway, I just want to tell you that I am both pleased and proud. Not of what happened this weekend – that wasn’t good – but of you being strong enough to tell me about it. And for asking me to take you to an NA meeting immediately so you could get help dealing with it. That shows amazing spirit and maturity, and you are slowly but surely earning back my trust and respect … the two things that I once thought were lost forever.
So that’s where you are now. Being a grown up, accepting that this was a mistake you made and getting support from people who are intimately familiar with what you’re experiencing. I know you are confused about how you feel about it all and not too sure what to do, but you’ve made the right and wise choice for yourself tonight.
Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for being frank with me … from the bottom of my heart. I can deal with most most things, but deceit and deception are intolerable to me and I completely detest the barriers they create.
I love you
XXX
Hehe 😀
This feels wonderfully wierd …
I’m sitting here working in my dining room and SheBee is right opposite me!
Hah. Who woulda thunk?
Shame, she came to Cape Town for a break and I’ve put her to work!
I’m such a cow 🙂
So … an update on Son#2 and it’s sad news I’m afraid.
He has not passed Grade 8.
Yeah, his headmaster called me yesterday to tell me and the X and I went through to the school to meet with him today to discuss the issue and decide what to do. No, that was *not* an easy meeting!
I think the headmaster was really concerned that the X and I would fight against Son#2 repeating the grade, but we both feel strongly that he needs to be kept back. It wasn’t a close thing either. He’s done very badly this year …
We’re sending him to an educational psychologist for a full assessment and arranging for various therapies to help him. And things at home (both the X’s and mine) are going to have to change a bit to provide him with more structure. Eish.
He really loves his school – he’s so happy there and he’s come out of his shell completely over the last year, perhaps a bit too much – he’s gone from zero to hero amongst his peers and lost focus on the reason why he is there in the first place. He’s starting to get into trouble and display some rather dodgy behaviour that’s concerning us all – even Son#1. Actually, Son#1 is VERY upset about all of this and has read his little brother the riot act!
And the headmaster, who is a STUNNING guy, has tried to chat to Son#2 on numerous occasions but, like the rest of us, he’s not connecting at all. This boy just shuts down, he gives NOTHING away and you just cannot read him at all. It’s most distressing and frustrating.
So that’s where we are. It hasn’t been an easy 2 days at all but we’ll get through it. Son#2 is spending tonight with the X and he is going break the news to him. We have no idea how he’ll react. He’ll either get terribly upset and break down, or he’ll just dismiss it and pretend nothing’s wrong. It could go wither way …
Oh man, this is the last thing I wanted for him and it breaks my heart but in all honesty, if he’s not doing the work and not coping, then he must stay back and learn from his mistakes.
You’re not alone my friend. I know you don’t really get that right now but that’s fine. It’ll take a while for you to become aware of all the support you actually have and that there are people who love you very much and are willing to step up whenever you’re ready.
At the moment, the whole damn sucky world is on your shoulders and you are drowning in sorrow, confusion and anger. That’s fine too … allow yourself to be angry. Allow yourself to be sad. But never lose sight of the fact that you ARE strong enough AND brave enough to face both your demons and the shitty situation you find yourself in.
You were so there for me when I was going through my darkest time. I KNOW you have the courage and strength and wisdom to deal with your own darkness and overcome it. I’ve seen it first hand, so don’t you DARE tell yourself otherwise and start believing that nonsense!
I’ve been watching your emotional, mental and physical decline for a long time now, hoping like hell that you’d be able to turn things around for yourself. But it never happened and I felt quite helpless. Our chat yesterday changed that for me. Big time.
Thank you for opening up to me. Thank you for admitting just how low things have gotten for you, for telling me you want to sort your life out and that you *need* help. THIS was the opening I was looking for from you. NOW I can reach out to you and, as you did for me, help you out of the shit.
And I shall.
I may not be able to solve all your problems but I can certainly be the person you need to help you focus on what you need to do and create a solid plan for how to get there.
In fact, I *insist*. Yes. Consider this an official intervention!
I’m SO gonna help get you right 😀
First, we need to get you clean my friend. This you know. You know that you cannot think straight or even try to find solutions to anything until your mind and body are healthy again. So … NA meetings are on a Monday night – as you know, Son#1 is very keen that you join him (thank you my boy, you’re a super star!) Don’t worry about your beautiful little girl either … I shall look after her while you go. Mmk?
Next, I want to see your monthly budget – we’re going to work out where the moola is going and what to do about it so that you are no longer cash strapped or in any debt.
Thirdly, I will assist you with prioritizing and organising your Daily Plan of Attack so that you do not feel overwhelmed with all that has to be done. Where necessary and possible, I’ll take some stuff off your plate while you’re pulling yourself towards yourself, just until you’re operating at 100% again.
Also, I want you to let me know EVERY DAY how you are feeling and what’s going on in your life. Seriously … give me every single gory detail and tell me how you’re reacting and/or responding to each. This is non-negotiable.
Yes, I’m being bossy. Tough shit!
Enough is enough. You’ve spent long enough in that bloody awful gutter. It’s time to get out, start believing in yourself and claim your power back!
Let’s do this thing my friend …
I love you very much
XXX