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Never, ever, and I mean this … NEVER, no not EVER … never go to Cavendish Square on the same day that a rugby test is being played at Newlands.


There will be ZERO parking and it WILL take you about half an hour to find somewhere to stop and leave your car. (If you want to experience that kind of pain and time wastage again, simply get in your motor vehicle, drive around the block about 50 times whilst simultaneously reaching up to grab large chunks of your hair and pulling sharply.)

Then, to avoid further frustration, make sure that when you buy any items from Look & Listen that qualify for a discount, you do NOT go to the till manned by the turnip who has more bling than brains. No Sweets, stay away from he who insists that the total he gave you AFTER the discount was applied is correct, even though it’s HIGHER than the total he gave you BEFORE said discount was applied. That will save you at least 35 minutes and you won’t have to get the manager to come and sort the mess out for you.

Also, if you happen to walk in while they are playing Usher’s new “Here I Stand” album over their audio system … turn around and RUN!!!

Oh yes, and be sure never to buy any item that has the security tag INSIDE the sealed packaging – how intelligent and thoughtful of the manufacturers to do this … not. That way, the damn bleeper thing won’t scream at you while you’re walking out the shop and the security guard WILL NOT suddenly haul out a great big pair of scissors and start trying to cut open the packages of those little ear thumps you want to give to a few folk as gifts. You should know better, really.

And please, don’t ever wear a poloneck jersey again! It’s really not a good idea to be dressed for the cold Cape weather when every second shop you walk into seems to have their thermostat set to the highest available temperature so you can actually feel yourself melting after only 2 minutes in their stuffy little hot boxes. If you want to wear a jersey, make sure that you’ve got something on underneath that is not too skimpy or revealing so that you can at least peel off a layer or two when you enter those saunas.

Also make sure you turn your cellphone off so that you don’t continuously get harassed by phone calls and text messages from various people, some of whom keep pestering you to “come back with McDonalds”.

Lastly, if you get home ridiculously stressed and exhausted after what was supposed to be a just couple of enjoyable hours to yourself and you realize that you forgot to pick up dog food, DO NOT back out of the driveway straight away and head to the nearest shop, which just happens to be Woolies. No, no, NO! Forget about the idea of dashing in and out as quickly as possible because you sooooo need to get home and take a chill pill. Why? Well, that cashier with the vacant stare who can’t stop chatting to the chic at the next till could accidentally mistake you for Someone Who Has All The Freaking Time In The World and decide to operate at the pace of a bloody stoned tortoise again!


“Retail therapy”? I don’t think so …

Anyway, at the end of that extremely traumatic expedition yesterday, here’s what I eventually landed up with:

  • 1 x Xbox 360 game – GTA4. I was going to get Alone in the Dark, but I was a nervous wreck just looking at the cover image, so I opted for something a little less scary.
  • 5 x CD’s – Hullabaloo (Muse), Narrow Stairs (Death Cab for Cutie), Flavors of Entanglement (Alanis Morisette), Rarities, B-Sides, and Other Stuff (Sarah McLachlan) and Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace (The Offspring).
  • 2 x DVD’s – Jeff Foxworthy and Lenny Henry stand up comedy.
  • Seasons 2 and 3 of Scrubs – I missed this series on tv, but decided to get Season 1 on a whim a while back and totally loved it … just have to see some more =)
  • A couple of sets of ear thumps with packaging still intact, but only after yours truly nearly slapped 1 x female security guard brandishing enormous pair of scissors.
  • 1 x set of unmentionables, thanks to the La Senza voucher I got for my birthday back at the beginning of April but haven’t had the opportunity to use until now.
  • New bathroom scale from Clicks – my old one gave up the ghost a few weeks ago.
  • A few personal bits and bobs – no, you don’t wanna know, really.
  • Dog food.

Sheesh, nearly 3 hours of hell, just for that!

And then today I had to do The Dreaded Weekly Grocery Shop so I am now offically all shopped out. Completely. Over. Shopping. I seriously don’t get why some people love it so much?!