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What will be will be

This afternoon’s agenda includes another visit to the clinic for a Family Session involving me, Son#1, the X and of course, the Terrible Tag Team.

I realized when I woke up this morning and started to get my head around today and all that I would be facing, that I felt no fear. Unlike the last time, when I became a bundle of nerves at the prospect of being in a therapy session with my X, I am not apprehensive or panicked about it in any way. More importantly, I am not afraid of HIM.

This last week has been an amazing progression for me. I am no longer just talking about being strong, I am feeling and BEING strong. Thanks to some wonderful people who’ve encouraged and supported me in so many ways recently, coaching me, guiding me and just “being there” for me through a challenging period, I have been able to alter my thought processes and shift my perceptions to the point where I’ve managed to shake off a lot of my insecurities and fears.

I know there are still going to be ups and downs but at this very minute, I honestly feel like a ton of shit has left me and that my life, although complicated and at times very stressful, is ok. That I’m ok, that I’m the perfect me without “being perfect” and to hell with anyone who doesn’t agree.

So I’m finding it easier to face people, situations and events that would normally reduce me to a sniveling hermit and see me run for cover. And it’s totally liberating. It’s like re-connecting with the real essence of who I am again – the me who used to be fearless in the face of a challenge, the me who didn’t give a rat’s ass about what people thought, the me who had a voice and used it, the me who heard “you can’t do that” and then showed them that I could, because I believed in myself.

A little bit of my mojo is back, at last 🙂

I don’t know what today’s session will hold, and that’s ok. I’m not getting my knickers in a knot about it and I’m not making the mistake of thinking that the outcome is something I can control anyway. What will be will be …