Select Page

In pieces … again

Well, that was bloody awful!

I’m back from the Family Session at the clinic and surprise, surprise … I’m a complete wreck. Eish …

*Apparently* my feelings or opinions count for sweet fuckall. I sat there during the session while stuff was being said, some of it untrue, and when I was asked about how I was feeling about the session, I spoke up. And guess what? I was shot down!!

“No, no, that’s *adult* stuff, don’t raise it here.”


People, you ASKED me!! I tell you that I’m also still trying to deal with stuff around the things we discussed, e.g. the divorce, that I’m also looking for closure on issues. I tell you that some things raised were not true and then you tell me to shut up?!

So all those feelings I’ve been carrying about feeling completely worthless, about my opinions or my feelings counting for nothing, were confirmed and affirmed for me right then and there.



So I exploded into a silent rage of tears.

The X and Son#1 were kicked out and I was left alone with the Terrible Tag Team feeling like a complete loser. Once again, I am the emo one, the one who falls apart, the one who can’t deal with shit.

I am so fucking OVER being broken all the time!!!

I am so frustrated that I can’t get past this SHIT!!!

I am so MASSIVELY pissed off that the X had the GALL to sit there and say he didn’t have an affair. Wake up and smell the coffee! Just because you didn’t bonk her brains out DOES NOT mean you didn’t have an affair. Why can’t you GET that?


I guess that’s all I’m looking for, all I’ve ever wanted – a simple bloody acknowledgement from him that all my pain was for a REASON. I can handle the rejection, I can handle the fact that we were no longer compatible but what I can’t handle is that IT’S ALL MY FAULT and he bears NO RESPONSIBILITY.

But I guess that’ll never happen. It’s been 3 years since I found out and nothing’s changed, he still denies it.

And what then? What if it never does happen? How how HOW do learn to live with not getting any closure – and live in peace, instead of in pieces?

This is where I am stuck. This is where all the shit feelings get trapped. This is where I can’t move away from and I can’t leave it behind because it’s STILL getting paraded around in front of me … that I was to blame for it all.

*deep breaths*

Anyway … fuck … now what?

They gave me the number for a therapist. I guess I’ll make an appointment but I’m skeptical. I’ve vented enough about this, how will more talking help? She can’t “fix” anything and my experience with other therapists has been pretty dismal.


I’m so bored with being emo and over not being able to have a life, never mind enjoy it.

This roller coaster ride is ridiculously tiring …