Again. The clinic. Does not. Communicate.
The last time I was there, on Tuesday, the counselors basically asked Son#1 to leave for 36 hours, to think about what he’d done, and go back there with a contract that they would read, accept and then he’d be allowed to stay on as an out-patient.
So I get there this evening and ask: “What’s happening boy?”
Son#1: “Well, I’m here!”
Me: “And what about the contract? Was it ok”
Son#1: “They didn’t want to see it, they wouldn’t let me read it to them. I couldn’t even get past the first paragraph”
Me: “HUH?”
Son#1: “Ja, they weren’t interested in that OR the homework I did that took me bloody hours, so I threw it all away.”
Me: “Wait a minute … the condition for you coming back here was that you present them with a contract they could read and sign.”
Son#1: “Exactly, go figure!”
Me: “So … I’m really confused …”
Son#1: “Me too! I don’t even know if I’m supposed to BE here!!!”
Bloody hell!!
They didn’t even bother to call me to tell me what was going on! I was fully expecting to fetch him this evening because he’s supposed to be an outpatient now and nobody seems to know what’s up. Dammit, this place is pissing me off with their attitude!
Anyway, I told Son#1 he needs to sort this out with them tomorrow before he comes home and goes to his dad for the weekend. And guess what he came back with … “No way Mom, these people don’t listen!!” (Sound familiar?)
So I suggested he write down all his frustrations – about not being heard, about thinking they don’t care, about them dismissing his feelings, etc. – so that he can approach them tomorrow with a clear head and a plan for how to deal with their (and I quote) “childishness”.
Honestly, I have no clue what they are up to, but right now my child is giving up because he sees THEM giving up and all wants to do is get out of there and get totally shit-faced!
Nice.
He also made rumblings about not wanting to go to his dad (he really doesn’t like going there), that he wants to stay at home … I told him I have plans, that I need a break. Seriously, as much as I want him here at home, I desperately need this weekend to myself, and I need to have some fun for a change otherwise I am going to go mental!
Even if I had plans, which I didn’t, I would have cancelled them……too important for you to get out of your four walls, you desperately need a complete break. The boys will be safe with me until your totally unreliable, X picks them up tomorrow. Thanks Dad, great of you to offer.
I’ve already had more than one “talk” with these people … they are the *worst* listeners I have ever encountered! They really don’t care WHAT the family thinks – it’s their way or the highway.
@Nats – I have not had a weekend off for just about as long as I can remember, at least 4 months. I have been under 24/7 stress to make sure my kids are taken care of, even at times when our divorce order states that the X is supposed to have them. I have not been able to leave my own house!
For years, I have been stuck here, trapped, literally. I was not allowed to socialise, I was not allowed to have my own friends. I’m now divorced and free to change that. And I have to. I’m 37 years old and I want a life!
I’m sorry, but the X needs to come to the party here and let me have a break. I have made plans to go out on my own for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE and I am doing it.
@Dad – then they should have let me know that that was their intention instead of saying to me that the deal hung on an agreed upon and SIGNED contract. If they were playing games with us, they should have clarified the rules.
And thanks again for your offer for tonight – am going to talk to Mom now and see if she’s available in case of the X pulling his usual arriving at midnight crap. She’s just down the road, so it would be less hassle.
See? I even have to bloody make arrangements about the fact that the X is going to leave me in the shit … AGAIN! Sick of it.
@JustBcoz “i could see them just making Son#1 write the contract as a test to see how willing he is to go to attain his recovery.”
After I had written my first post and had calmed down a bit and given some thought as to what had happened I agree with what Nats is saying and my offer still stands for tonight.
i think mom has a point, before getting pissed off on the lack of communication, maybe go talk to someone who knows the skoop.Sometimes the process is confusing, i could see them just making Son#1 write the contract as a test to see how willing he is to go to attain his recovery. But you should be able to get some clarification if you approach someone. i love you sis…but there is something i want to show you in your blog.:
“So I suggested he write down all his frustrations – about not being heard, about thinking they don’t care, about them dismissing his feelings, etc.”
then
‘He also made rumblings about not wanting to go to his dad (he really doesn’t like going there), that he wants to stay at home … I told him I have plans, that I need a break. Seriously, as much as I want him here at home, I desperately need this weekend to myself, and I need to have some fun for a change otherwise I am going to go mental!”
i know you need time off more than anyone at this time… you are human, for the most part in getting clean and recovering is knowing we are loved and wanted inspite of. I think maybe that -Piss brain X -may have temptations for Son#1 at the house…and if Son#1 is already feeling like “whats the fucking point”, well….i know how easy it is to sneak around in getting his way.
Just a thought… he feels safer at your home,, His home..stability , I hope you can find some clarity soon with the treatment center and balance within your self. Hugs and much Love !!!
These people are starting to sound more and more like fly-by-nighters
HUH? Doesn’t make sense to me, in fact it’s totally illogical and confusing son#1 even more than he already is. It’s bullshit!!! Does the one hand know what the other is doing in that place I wonder. I don’t get it, how can they advocate communication when they themselves lack this ability? Beats me too…..maybe a visit to whoever plays the big cheese will result in getting some clarification?
BIT of confusion???? Well I am totally confused about this latest turn of events. I am usually quite good at working out what people are up to but this has truly got me beat. One would think if there was some obscure plan behind all of this they would at least communicate with you and let you know what is going on. I too am getting pissed off. Really pissed off!