I just got back from visiting Son#1 at the clinic and he ain’t doing well today …
He doesn’t want to be there
He feels like he’s getting nothing out of it
He says it’s a waste of time
He’s so sick of being asked: “how are you?”
He can’t connect with the Terrible Tag Team
He doesn’t want to talk
He can’t relate to the other kids in there, bar one
He feels lonely and isolated
He wants everyone to leave him alone
He just wants to leave
I told him to write this all down and raise it in the community session tomorrow, to tell the counselors that he had something to say and that everyone should just shut up until he’d finished. I told him to put all this to them, to close his eyes and talk if that would help. I told him to feel his anger and frustration and shout at them if he needed to!
I know those counselors can be damn intimidating and I personally don’t think they handle my boy in a way that encourages him to talk at all. They keep butting in and totally stopping his train of thought. I’ve seen how he clams up and becomes extremely defensive with them.
I hope he can manage to do this, to call a spade a shovel. I think it’s important for him.
Anyway, he seemed a bit brighter after we chatted about what he was going through and he’d written all his thoughts down …
Then I let him sit in my car for a while and listen to some music. He misses his music so much now that they have made a decision not to allow CD’s to be played there. Poor guy, he’s pissed off about that.
I am starting to get a bit pissed off myself. They “encourage” family to be involved – grandparents and siblings especially. His gran and his brother have both been to visit Son#1 in the clinic and today I was told they couldn’t go … wtf? No explanation, nothing. That really grates me. If you make a decision or change your mind about something then fine, but if it’s going to affect other people, at least have the damn decency to give them a reason!
grrrr
Must agree with Dad and Leez on this one……This was never going to be easy, it’s a rough ride for all especially Son#1 and perhaps the experts should be left to handle this the way they think is best. although I understand how you feel, been there, done it, wear the T-shirt, tough love is called for now for him to get the help he needs so…….hang in there girl, you are a PHENOMENAL WOMAN in my eyes.
Light and love
@leez – you are 100% correct … wow, even down to the manipulation aspect!
HeyJustB
Its sad to hear that he’s having such a tough time but alllwoing him to leave early will not help in any way. Despite what you may think these counsellors know wat they are doing and although it may seem to you that they are getting nowhere because they are not using your methods or methods that makes sense to you it doesnt mean that theirs is wrong. Patience and tolerance from your part will go a far in helping him to get over this. Sometimes Kids reflect what their parents are feeling and can also manipulate parents.
It does suck that his relatives are not allowed to visit but sometimes external sources hamper progress. sometimes.
Chin Up.
@Ches – thanks dude, that’s encouraging 🙂
He’s got awesome support all-round!
Shit, hectic…It’s without question the best thing for him…
I’m sure in the long run, it will start yielding desired results…it takes time for young men that age to open up. And once you confront yourself, listen to yourself….you start to believe in yourself!
It seems like he’s got some awsome backing in his mother…and that’s sometimes all the motivation you need.
Admire both your strength.
Hey Ches … yeah, quite a bit going on … thanks for taking the time to read and catch up 🙂
You can read this post for the Son#1/Clinic info – http://www.justbcoz.co.za/headspace/2008/07/21/tomorrow%E2%80%99s-the-big-day/
JB – Was reading some of your older posts last night…trying to catch up with you is quite a task.
Just remind me…Son #1, clinic, whats that about?
@justB[coz] They have so little time -3 to 4 weeks- to try and get to the core problems that they have developed a technique which must work for the majority. Yes every child is unique but most of the problems are the same.
@cath …hmmm, yeah – I’ve already tried to speak to them about their lack of communication with us about relevant things. They seem to forget that there are entire families involved.
@Dad … I hear you, I’m not going to do anything in haste here. They are indeed the experts, but it does bother me that they seem to take the same tack with all the kids. I feel opposed to that – each young adult there is completely unique and should be dealt with uniquely. They employ a blanket approach to therapy. I know this from the Family Support groups I’ve been too, where they tell us about the counseling is about. I see no allowances for individuals in their therapy technique. That bothers me.
We have to believe that what they are doing is best in the situation.
They are the experts and deal with this kind of thing everyday.
Yeah. Shit. I dont agree with them changing their minds like that. fucksakes.
and yep, this is going to be the hardest part. the honeymoon period is over.
BUT all kudos and strength to you and Son#1.. i say youve done the best thing by helping him stand up and say something
you are a supermom XXXX