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The hippie hippie shake

Hmmm … today I am wearing what can only be described as a big, black TENT!

I got this dress many, many years ago, back in my “fat days” and now I’ve had to haul it out my cupboard again *sob*. At least it covers me up though, which is just what I need after the bad news I received from the scale at gym yesterday *wail*. Hrmpf!

Yessiree, it’s even WORSE that I thought. Feck, I’m actually distraught … I thought I may have lost a few grams since I started gym again, but noooooo! Yours truly has put on even MORE weight! WTF?

So it’s official. I now have 10kgs to lose. Crap, that’s going to be hard work, but I’m not one to run from a challenge so I’m now going ALL IN to win this battle.

I’ll be training 5 days a week from tomorrow, giving myself Sundays off to rest. I’m currently going 3 times a week, but I need to do more cardio – at least 30 minutes on the treadmill and/or the bike on the extra days.

Urgh … I hate cardio.

I’m also so going to kill this binge eating nonsense!

Between my PA and my PT and me, we’re putting together a nutrition strategy and sticking to it like a fly on shit. I’m allowing myself to be a right spoiled brat hehe … PT draws up plan, PA executes plan, I just eat waha! I likey likey 😀

Take THAT Cookie Monster *shows the finger*.

I’m eating 5 x per day now, just enough to fuel my body, keep my blood sugar stable and my metabolism ticking over nicely. No more, no less. The evenings are going to be damn difficult though!!!

So there! Enough bitching about it. (I’m sure by now you’re tired of me droning on about this hey?)

Time for action!!

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QUICK UPDATE @ 8pm

I have eaten almost PERFECTLY today … WOOHOO!!!

Breakfast: Protein drink

Morning snack: small apple and some grapes

Lunch: smoked chicken salad (minimal french dressing)

Afternoon snack: low GI bread, low fat ham, cucumber, reduced fat hummus

Dinner: grilled fish, carrots and peas (seasoned with fresh lemon juice)

NOW, I just need to hold out for a couple of hours till I crash and then I’m a WINNER 😀

CAN SHE DO IT??!!!

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‘NOTHER UPDATE 16 JAN @ 10.50am

I did well people!! Just a handful of grapes at about 9.30pm

*pats self on the back*

So far and no further

Dear cow_grrrl,

Mmk, I’ve been holding off on telling you this because I’d thought you’d come to your senses on your own. But clearly you haven’t so here goes … ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

For Pete’s sake chick, stop bloody complaining about how much weight you’ve put on in the last month and damn well DO something about it.

Do you have *any* idea how sick and tired I am of hearing you bitch and moan about how your clothes are getting too tight, how you’re feeling like a fat slob, how low you are because of that and all the rest of the crap that goes with you seeing the flab steadily increasing every day?

Enough with the whining PLEASE. I’ve HAD IT! So far and no further.

Get off your arse and start doing some exercise dammit! You KNOW you won’t be busting any fat by sitting around all day, every day. Good grief! When was the last time you actually got your heart rate up over the pace of a stoned tortoise? Huh? Exactly …

And as for all the food you’ve been stuffing down your gullet … well now. What do you expect? You can’t carry on eating like that, do bugger all exercise and expect to even MAINTAIN your weight, let alone LOSE any. If you carry on like you have been, you are going to *explode* man!

Silly wench.

Seriously, Summer *is* coming. It *will* soon be time to shed the safety of your winter woolies and bare some skin. Do you REALLY want to feel like a porker when the weather improves and you need to make the switch to your Summer wardrobe? I didn’t think so …

So then! What are you going to do about it?

For starters, you can carry on reading that book about overcoming binge eating that Sir G bought for you and I think that Monday morning would be a good time to take the appropriate action and resurrect Opertation Yellow Bikini. It will give you a couple of days to plan your training and nutrition and you can hit the ground running.

You know I’m right. Just do it.

Mmk? Mmk.

The Cookie Monster must DIE

Yes – that revolting scumbag who manipulates my mind every evening must DIE DIE DIE!

He spins dreadful stories in my head telling me that I’m lonely, bored, uninteresting and unlovable and the only thing worth doing at all is stuffing my face every night.

PUHLEAZE!

The Monster has been so convincing of late that I’ve managed to pile on 3 kgs in the last 3 weeks. That’s hideous … So much for Operation Yellow Bikini hey? Jeez, how kuk do I feel right now!

So, how do I kill the evil bugger and how do I find the mojo I need to combat his trickery?

Blegh.

I guess step one should be for me to get back into that book Sir G bought for me – “How to Overcome Binge Eating”. And I need to do it soon because this is getting waaaay out of control. It’s a vicious lose-lose cycle too, *obviously*.

The more I eat, the worse I feel, the more I eat, the worse I feel …

He seriously needs to FOAD!

The moment of truth

My first day of cardio training and sheesh, it wasn’t pretty. Lawdluvvaduck, I am so unfit and soooo thankful there weren’t any witnesses there!!

I spent only 20 minutes on my Health Walker this morning and just about DIED!! My poor little legs 🙁 And after that short time I had managed to sweat so much, I had to mop up the machine AND the floor. Yes, I sweat – I do *not* perspire or “glow” …

You’re probably thinking: “Huh? A HEALTH WALKER?”

Yip, when I’m training at home, I use a Health Walker and that may seem pretty un-hardcore to you, but I like the fact that there’s no impact on my joints, and it works! The trick is to include about 4-5 intensity intervals. By that I mean that every 5 minutes or so, you go FLAT OUT! It’s called a wind sprint and you push, push, push till you literally think you cannot do another second. Then you drop back to a walk and build up the intensity with each passing minute till you reach wind sprint intensity again.

You can follow the same strategy with a skipping rope, a treadmill, a run on the road, an elliptical machine or a bicycle. I’m wary of cycling though – I’ve never seen a female cyclist with beautiful legs!

And then I took my measurements. It’s important to do this so that I know where I’m starting from. I’m going to take weekly measurements and track my progress. I can’t rely on just my scale to give me an accurate indication of fat loss or muscle tone – in fact, I know my weight may even increase for the first few weeks! That could be *really* disheartening if I don’t also measure up against a tape measure because that’s where the first signs of change will show up.

Yikes! I can’t believe I’m actually going to share this with you all but anyhoooo, here goes:

  • Weight:  58.2kg (goal: 54kg)
  • Chest: 90cm (this will probably go up a bit)
  • Waist: 71cm (sies! Want to get that back down to 64cm)
  • Hips: 93cm (I’ll be happy with around 88cm I think)
  • Upper arm: 26cm (that’s ok, but 25cm would be better)
  • Thigh: 52cm (where’s the jumbo? I could kick start it for you!)
  • Calf: 34cm (hmmm, 32cm is my target here)
  • Body Fat: 25% (that’s my educated guess, hoping to drop to 21%)

ERK. There it is.

*blushes with a wee bit of embarrassment*