In my perfect world
- Mother Nature would not be such a bitch. I mean REALLY! Pimples and wrinkles at the same time? Come ON!
- My phone and doorbell would never ring. Not ever.
- Adjustable bras, as clever as they are, wouldn’t unhook themselves and smack me in my face. Usually at the *most* inconvenient time, of course.
- I’d get paid to read for a living. Yes, I AM that lazy.
- Forgetting a movie 5 minutes after I’d just watched it would never happen. Do you realize how tiresome this is?
- I’d totally rock the “Eau Natural” look.
- T-shirt manufacturers would take into account that some of us ACTUALLY HAVE BOOBS!
- House plants would never need to be watered. Please don’t ever buy me one as a gift – it’ll just die, mmk?
- My son would never say: “So how did you manage to put on so much weight?” Thanks boy – love you too!
- Muffin tops would be regarded as a Thing of Beauty. Enviable even.
(No, those aren’t mine)