And it’s not a good one …
I’m going to have a little vent here. You can indulge me or you can move on. It’s cool; I won’t be offended if I see you’ve clicked away after only a few seconds.
Physically, I am shattered today. I had a really bad night’s sleep and I’m totally exhausted. I also woke up with a splitting headache (what’s new) and I’m freezing cold. So I’m sitting here feeling very sorry for myself – miserable, tired, frozen and sore =(
I really need a holiday. Any kind of break will do, I just feel like I need some R&R.
Other than that, I’m so bloody bored and completely frustrated! Being short staffed is the pits. I am still looking for new staff and having no luck. The ad on Bizcommunity has run it’s course and we got nix out of it. My inbox is normally flooded with CV’s – where the hell is everyone?
I desperately want to move on to new projects – ideas that have been bubbling under for a while that I want to bring to the front burner and start developing. But I’m stuck DAMMIT! I’m doing donkey work on websites because I don’t have enough people. It totally sucks and I feel like I’m wasting my talent.
Jeesh, 10 years ago I was doing much more exciting work. Hells, even before I got into the web I was having a ball running a design studio and lecturing at a college after that. Then I discovered the internet and found my passion. I designed and developed a very large corporate intranet, I managed some big international sites and I created front ends for some high profile online medical and banking systems. Then I setup my own business and had tons of fun developing my own projects.
After that, well … shit happened.
And now I’m bloody stuck and I don’t want to be. I’m not doing anything new; I’m not learning anything new. I feel like my creativity is being stifled and as much I as want to start doing sexy work again, I can’t! I’m turning away a ridiculous amount of work every week.
Don’t get me wrong – I am VERY grateful to be able to work and make a living. But this business is my only source of income and if I can’t move it forward, it’s not going to last for very much longer. And then I’ll be screwed.
I’m also not getting any younger you know – I want to use my brain before all the relevant synapses go on a permanent strike. Shit, the last time I did any serious development, PHP was just a puppy! And I haven’t touched Flash for ages.
And then there’s the fact that I want a personal life too. I feel like I’ve missed out on so much and I want to have a life outside of these four walls that I stare at all day, every day. But being drained of energy and robbed of time because I’m forced to put in long, tedious hours doing repetitive crap work is ensuring that that doesn’t happen either.
I need more staff!!!
I’ve even contemplated selling the business and retiring so that I can get out of this horrible rut and buy myself the time to do what I love. I could do that. I may have to if things don’t change soon.
Sucks to be me right now.
Ok, that’s it. I’m done. Vent over. If you’re still here, thanks for listening.