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I’m having a Fat Day

‘Stroo …

I gingerly stepped onto my new bathroom scale this morning to see what the damage was. Shite. Damn thing tells me I’m up a kilo! Shock. I think I vowed in that moment to never eat again.

Of course, this has nothing to do with the fact that I haven’t been to gym for nearly 3 weeks now nor that my recent diet has consisted mainly of chicken burgers and coke – so not good and definitely not helping towards my yellow bikini efforts this year.

So, one kilo heavier and now I’m feeling like a pregnant hippo. Naturally, I couldn’t find anything to wear this morning that didn’t make me feel like Ten Ton Tessie either. Sigh.

I just HAVE to get back to gym next week, when this work frenzy is over, and start eating better too. All this rubbish going down my gullet is just making me fat and lazy.

The first chapter

So what can I tell you about Chapter 1 of “Overcoming Binge Eating”? Firstly, I had no idea how widespread this problem actually is today. According to Dr Fairburn, 1 out of 5 women are binge eaters, that is, they experience “an unrestrained and often excessive indulgence” in eating. That’s a lot of bingers! Of course, not all of them binge in the same way, some of us do it regularly (more than twice a week) while others only do it occasionally. Some purge, others don’t, and just so you know, I don’t purge.

So what defines a binge, as opposed to just plain overeating? Well, apparently there are 2 main characteristics that apply to a binge:

1) eating an amount of food that is definitely larger than most people would eat during a similar period of time, eg. within 2 hours.

2) a sense of lack of control over eating during the episode, eg. feeling that one cannot stop or control what or how much one is eating.

These 2 things certainly apply to me …

And there some introductory notes about binge triggers that I can also relate to – all revolving around unpleasant feelings – tiredness, depression, anxiety, loneliness, boredom, breaking a diet, feeling fat and gaining weight (yes, really!)

The book includes many first hand experiences from people that convey their different experiences of binge eating. It’s mildly comforting to read what these women do and how bad they feel about it; it gives me some encouragement to continue reading, knowing that I do and feel things in a very similar way – eating mostly “forbidden foods” that require no preparation, eating in secret with no sense of control and feeling sick and disgusted afterwards. If these experiences are included and they match mine so closely, the author surely understands the issue and will be able to help me sort it out, right?

Weighty matters

I’m feeling a lot better today. I think I’m finally kicking that horrible flu bug that’s kept me under the weather for over 2 weeks now. At long bloody last! I’m so over being sick and feeling like crap!

So, I’m going to hit the gym tomorrow. Ooooooh – that’s gonna hurt! But I have to do it, it’s been nearly 3 weeks since I last went and I don’t want all my hard work going down the proverbial toilet. I’ll have to take it easy though as I won’t be up to full strength.

At least I haven’t put on any weight while I’ve been off though, so that’s a relief. It’s also a total miracle, seeing as I have been on my night binge wagon again recently. I know, I know, I know … you don’t have to tell me! It’s a bad thing, it’s unhealthy, it’s illogical, and it’s stupid. In my rational mind I know all these things, but there are times (normally at night) that ration and logic do not apply to my eating. I am fine during the day – I am super disciplined, but when the clock strikes 6pm, it’s like my feeding switch gets turned on and eating is all I can do!!! I hate myself for doing it, I always feel awful afterwards for so many reasons, but I feel powerless to stop. I’ve read so many explanations for binge eating (suppressing emotions / self-medicating / looking for comfort / etc) which is all great, but I’m yet to come across any useful advice on exactly how to put an end to the madness of it all. Sir G is trying to help me though (he’s such a yummy sweetie-pie) – he’s found and ordered a book that should be arriving soon and it seems like it could hold some good solutions. I really hope so … we’ll see …

Actually, I’ve managed to lose nearly another kilo, don’t ask me how (perhaps I’ve lost muscle), so that’s 4.5kg down in 3 months now. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless. That takes me halfway to my goal of dropping 8kgs altogether! Given my current rate of fat loss, I should emerge from winter as a ripped bikini babe LOL =) I wish …