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And I think this is why

It’s my birthday next Saturday.

The start of my 39th year on Planet Earth.

That scares the crap out of me.

I’m looking at where I am now and wondering: “Is this *it* for me?”

Where will I be in 2 years? 5 Years? 10 Years? Am I stuck in this house forever? Will I ever get married again? Will I ever get to travel overseas? Are my best days a thing of the past? Do I have something to look forward to? How do I make the most of my future?

And I don’t know the answers to these questions.

I had dreams and goals once. I dared to believe.

I got handed a bitter mouthful of disappointment to swallow.

So now what?

I have questions galore but no answers and not much faith in dreaming anymore ..

Would be cool to know where I’m going though.

Before I need a Zimmer frame, that is.

It happens sometimes

I go quiet.

It’s called Cave Mode, and it’s my coping mechanism when I’m feeling overwhelmed with life, confused about stuff, and just generally stressed. In a personal capacity.

So I stay inside my own head for a while to sort shit out – I take some timeout from communicating with people. This just simplifies the process for me … it cuts out the complicated crap that everyone ELSE is dealing with so that I can focus on my own stuff. AND it stops me from possibly spreading any crap vibes I may have.

Yeah, my head is spinning a bit – there’s a lot going on in there at the moment 🙂

Onwards and upwards