Posted May 10th, 2010 by justBcoz in Current Events, Personal []
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Some of you have noticed that I’m somewhat MIA – thanks for missing me. Really.

The truth is that I’m not really ok at the moment. I’m not writing this to elicit sympathy and fuss – that’s the last thing I want. I’m just letting you know that I’m going through a rough time. A really rough time. Actually, I’m in the middle of a horribly dark depression and when that happens, I go quiet. I withdraw and shut down. Right or wrong, it’s just how I deal with things.

So that’s why I haven’t been on Twitter, why I haven’t been on Facebook, why I haven’t been blogging and why I’m not engaging with people in general at the moment. I simply don’t have the energy. I’m completely drained – physically, emotionally and mentally.

If you suffer from depression, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. If you don’t, my behaviour might seem inexplicable and you probably won’t be able to relate to anything I’m saying.

But it’s real. Very real.

And it needs to be overcome. And it will be. I just need some time to sort my shit out and pull myself towards myself. I don’t know how long it will take – could be days, could be weeks – but I’ll get there. This is not a new experience for me, unfortunately, but I always get over it sooner or later.

Mmk, this was a hard post to write – it’s not exactly easy admitting that you’re fragile and down in the dumps when everyone perceives you to be this strong and inspirational being.

I’m no superwoman.

I’m just human.

justBcoz
  1. Chris M says:

    If you need something, just tell me. I won’t ask, but just know that I’m happy to help.

    x

  2. MarkB says:

    I’ve been through depression before… most recently about 2 weeks before coming to Cape Town… It’s a terrible thing.. Drains you.. and the worst thing is that you generally can’t put a finger on what’s making you feel that way… It’s not something that anyone can tell you to “snap out of” or to “get over”… you need to work through it.

    I really hope you find the cause Sue.. and if you know what it is, I truly hope you find closure a solution… 100% available if you need a chat or even just a cuppa tea :)

    my thoug-U-hts
    (btw, the above is a riddle.. 10 points if you can work it out :) )

  3. KatJ says:

    I have experienced depression like you are describing. My thoughts are with you…as my grandmother told me…this too shall pass.

    Be well,

    Kat

  4. Angel says:

    I reckon a blog post like this is the turning point.
    Wish I could drop off a cupcake…
    Hugs.

  5. StevenMcD says:

    You have my number if you need it. Lots of love! xxx

  6. Dad says:

    I agree with Angel. Anything I can do to help just call.

  7. JOC says:

    Have noticed you’ve been down, but didn’t want to pry. You know I know what depression is and that its real, so anything that I can do to make this time easier for you, I’ll do it, just let me know. Hang in there Sue. sending lots of love and hugs and here if you need XxX

  8. son#1 says:

    turn that frown upside down

    foshizzle my mum…nizzle?

    love YOU

  9. justBcoz says:

    xxx

    @son#1 … dude, when did you start channeling Snoop Dogg?

  10. cath says:

    Mailed you. Love you. Am here. X

  11. DT says:

    I have also withdrawn online – just can’t really face much myself – BUT I did feel a whole lot better once I wrote about it, so I hope you do too. It is a terrible time of year to be sad – because this weather compliments sadness too well. Shout if you want to meet for a coffee – it would be great to get together! I hope each day gets better!

  12. hamza says:

    here is some more helpful info about depression

  13. Antie Koekie says:

    Dear Sue, a friend suggested I read your post, and I am so glad he did. Firstly, your site is a work of art— one of the most beautiful I’ve seen in ages. Well done! (Except mine, of course! LoL)
    Secondly, I know depression is very real, the French”s got a name for it, meaning The Black Dog. You feel as if you’re in a deep well with slippery sides.
    Your honesty gave me the courage to talk about my Blues, on my site.
    Trek daai bra-streppe stywer, vriendin, kyk Noord en foeter voort!
    Sterkte!

  14. BlindCripple says:

    Ironically, I came to the internet when I was at my low point. I still come back to it. Perhaps it doesn’t have the same zing as the initial anonymity brought, but it’s my place to fall back onto where I know there’s always someone willing to listen. And look at all the friendships that have come out of it.

    As KatJ said – “This too shall pass”. It’s such a beautiful line.

    Like all the others out there, I am here if you need anything.
    x

  15. carma says:

    I’ve struggled with similar issues; seems like for me it will always be there lurking in the background but I am actively working on conquering it with the help of a professional. I wish you the best.

    p.s. I agree with the comment above, the internet has really helped me to connect at times when I am feeling down – and unable to talk openly to people I know in real life. Maybe it will work the same for you at some point.

  16. You are our superwoman.

  17. Lady1 says:

    I’ve recently come out of major depression, and it strikes me daily how much I was turning circles inside a little box and not connecting with what is possible in the world when I was going through it. It was caused by a very confusing break up that I am still confused about to be honest.. it took me a while to realise that I have this vulnerability to a state of mind that can break me.

    Anyway, one of the most helpful things for me was readng about the condition, and learning that there are people who understand it. It’s still quite devastating for me that there are friendships that have suferred because the person just doesn’t and can’t understand what depression does to you, or that there isn’t much that can be said when you’re going through it. Rather a promise of sticking around regardless is amazing, and I’ve been lucky anough to have that from a few people.

    Anyway, apologies for rambling, but I just wanted to share that I, at least, do understand some of it, and that (if it hasn’t already) it will pass. I hope to have it more figured out before I go through a period like that again. Which I suppose is inevitable. Therapy has helped me – if only because going meant that I take myself and the fact that I deserve to feel better seriously, and I felt more in control as a result.

    Wishing you the best.