Posted August 19th, 2009 by justBcoz in Personal []
Tags: , , ,

We sat alone in the bedroom on that fated early evening four years ago.

It was the day after I’d seen the message come through on his cellphone: “I want to be with you.” That was the day that everything fell into place for me, the day the lights came on.

He’d been talking about moving out, about us being formally separated, so I knew that’s what he wanted and I gave him a choice. He either stayed to try to work things out or he left, and our 15 years together would be over. Forever.

He chose to leave.

I didn’t want to spend another night under the same roof as someone merely pretending to be my husband and I asked him to pack and go immediately.

I was plunged into sudden, terrifying darkness and for nearly 3 years I lived in the miserable pit of depression, barely able to function. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t think. I could just about breathe and make it through from one minute to the next.

When my therapist told me: “There’s life after divorce, you know”, I wanted to spit in her face. I was alone in my despair, angry with him, angry with HER, angry with myself, angry for my children and oh so tired.

I listened to the lies being told; I endured the condemnation from his family. I had no energy to vindicate myself. I didn’t see the point.

It’s taken every ounce of courage and strength I didn’t know I possessed to dig myself out of that hell hole, to start claiming back my life and regain my power. It’s taken four long years to piece myself back together and find peace and contentment, but I’ve done it.

We sat alone in the bedroom on that fated early evening four years ago.

Today, I choose to celebrate my freedom.

justBcoz
  1. Wow.
    It’s good to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Life is an interesting beast at the best of times.

    I read something the other day that I’ve adpoted: “Life’s not fair” I have realised that this’ very true. There is however a flip side to it: It is entirely up to you which side of the fence you sit on. Fair against, or fair pro. It’s your choice. Clearly you made yours and it’s paying off beautifully!

    Inspiring.

  2. justBcoz says:

    Light, life and happiness – I’m proof that time (together with acceptance, gratitude and some damn hard work) does indeed heal :-)

    I’ve never felt more alive and fulfilled in my life!

  3. :)

    The beautiful thing about being as glee as you are, it can only get better! So when’s the book coming out?

    P.S. the blog’s looking gorgeous!!

  4. Diago says:

    Something I can relate to. Except it took less time for me. However everyone bounces back. Some just take longer then others to realize. Nothing I can take away the pain and the experience, however what we learn from it fundamentally change who we are for the rest of our lives.

  5. Chris M says:

    Good for you! Celebrate EVERYTHING you’ve achieved since then, that’ll keep you busy for the next year :)

  6. justBcoz says:

    Thank you Mr Riply! Book? What book? :D

    Yes, Diago, bouncing back FTW! Even if it did take me what seemed like forever …

    @Chris M :-) :-) :-)

  7. Hanlie says:

    Good for you! It took me a few years too…

  8. Laura says:

    Indeed it was a celebration of freedom. But I also know these anniversaries hold many many emotions!

  9. StevenMcD says:

    hectic, well done though!

  10. Dad says:

    “I’ve never felt more alive and fulfilled in my life!”
    Wonderful, wonderful!! Just remember how you are feeling right now so that if any little blips come along you can stand on these feelings. Onwards and upwards!

  11. Silla says:

    Well done girl! U survived it, keep going strong :)

  12. Karen says:

    Wow. It is great to hear that one is able to move on. Just a week ago I had to read the dreaded messages from the mistress on my husband’s phone. I’ve never felt so much pain and heartbreak in my life and don’t know how to move on. It helps to hear that someone else has gone through it and have been able to come out stronger than ever before.

  13. Angel says:

    Shoowee… I think splitting because you’re being cheated on is one of the hardest things to recover from.
    I am so impressed with how far you’ve come!

  14. justBcoz says:

    @Hanlie … It seemed like a lifetime to me, truly. But thanks, my future is looking very bright :-)

    @Laura … they do, they do. But it’s brilliant not to be emo about it for a change, I feel completely comfortable thinking about it.

    @StevenMcD … Well, friends like you have helped me through, so thank you!

    @Dad … Yes. Onwards and upwards xxx

    @Silla … Thank you :-)

    @Marius … My goodness. It’s like that poem was written for me!!! Amazing … thank you for that link, what an inspiration.

    @Angel … MWAH! As I said to Steve, you guys all had a big hand in helping me reconnect with the world. My blog readers, my facebook friends, my tweeple – EVERYONE has contributed to my rebirth as a whole person.

    @Karen … oh man, my heart bleeds for you! You’re going to need a lot of support to get through this. I strongly recommend you lean on as many strong and compassionate people that are willing to help you at this nightmare of a time. If possible, please seek out professional counseling as well – talk to someone objective, even if it’s just to vent. And you MUST look after yourself too, try to eat well, get as much rest as possible. It’s a confusing and draining time for you and you WILL need help to get through it, so please don’t be afraid to ask for it. It really helped me to connect with other people who were going through the same thing, so look for support forums and Facebook groups that have been set up for this, or see if their are any groups meeting in your area that you can meet with. My thoughts and prayers are with you xxx

  15. It’s a pleasure. That poem has given me closure once or twice, so I hold on to it.

  16. Karen says:

    Thanks for the kind words. Through this process I’ve discovered that I have a brilliant support system that’s helping me through this. I am also seeking out professional help and actually have my first appointment today. The funny thing is that I myself is a registered counsellor and to now be on the other side of the boat is quite difficult – especially since I can no longer help my own clients.

  17. justBcoz says:

    Karen, I’m so glad to hear you have a great support system, that’s fantastic! And good on you for organising counseling for yourself. Yes, it’s strange that you’re on the other side now … but when you get through this, you’re going to have so much more empathy for your clients and I bet it’s going to make a huge difference to how much you can help them. Anyhoo … that’s a while away yet :-) For now, just concentrate on YOU and what YOU need. And please, come back anytime to tell me how you’re doing xxx

  18. cath says:

    In. Tears.

    Thank you for your courage, to do it, be it, and write it. Thank you.

    You know I’ve been here, and sometimes the world tries very hard to take me back to that hell.

    Thank you XXX

  19. justBcoz says:

    Yes, cath … the world *does* throw shit at us sometimes that could take us straight back into that horror.

    If. We. Let. It.

    My thinking now is this:

    Yes, it was the worst experience of my life. But it happened and there’s effall I can do to change that. It’s over. It’s history. At the end of the day, I overcame being crushed into a pulp by choosing to believe that there was a better life for me ahead and that if I wanted that to be true, I had to make it happen. No-one was going to do it for me and wallowing in my own self-pity wasn’t going to help either. I had to grab onto any delicate thread of hope I could reach and just pull myself towards myself. Sometimes I slipped (and I’m not naive enough to believe there won’t be any more slippage ahead), but each time that happened, it was just a little bit easier to ground myself and think rationally about the situation. 4 Years ago, I would never have thought that would be possible, hells – not even 2 years ago! But it gets easier and easier, as I learn to accept more and more. Now, if I ever feel sucked into that dark place, I just remind myself how blessed I am, how much love and light I have in my life now and how much better things are compared to being in a relationship that was so destructive. Love you, my friend x

  20. cath says:

    Absolutely. ABSOLUTELY. I revel in our freedom and love every second. it is true liberation.
    xxxx its hard won and so deserved xxx

  21. Jeanette says:

    Well done for getting to this point :)

  22. Not an easy road.

    Great Site. Am voting now!

  23. justBcoz says:

    @Jeanette … thank you xxx

    @myphotographer … Hell no – not easy at all! But so much learned along the way …

    And thank you for voting – appreciate it :D

  24. Wenchy says:

    Also me….. also me.

  25. Shamim says:

    Nice to know that you are happy now…….it’s good!