Posted October 13th, 2008 by justBcoz in Personal []
Tags: , , ,

Mmk, I’m not going to just assume that you all know the history between us, so let me fill you in a bit …

Sir G (aka BiggestMullet) and I got together in early 2006, about 6 months after my X and I separated, during the very icky time that the divorce was being sorted out. It was never anything serious at first … we were good friends and we were just having fun you know?

Plus, he works for me and he’s 8 years younger than me! I mean, really now – how could that *possibly* turn into anything long term or meaningful, right?

Wrong …

It took us a while, but we did become rather enamoured with each other :-)

And things were going great for a long time, until I got it into my head that this couldn’t be right, for many reasons:

  1. The big age gap – he’s too young for me
  2. Therefore (!) he’s not mature enough
  3. He works for me
  4. It’s probably just a rebound thing?
  5. Sooner or later he’s going to find someone his own age (or younger)
  6. I’m carrying too much baggage to be any good as a partner
  7. I should be “spreading my wings” now?
  8. I need to prove how strong and independent I am
  9. Being alone is “good” for me somehow
  10. I can’t really trust anyone anymore, can I?

Yeah … rather mixed up and confused me was!

I mean, here’s a man who totally adores me (ME!!!), completely accepts everything about me – all my baggage, my ups and downs (he calls it the rollercoaster), has proved over and over and over again that despite my conscious and subconscious efforts to push him away (fuck, I’m such a bitch sometimes), he STICKS by my side. He has tolerated months of yours truly being convinced that no-one could ever love her again and he’s just continued to love me, no questions asked, no explanation required. I’ve never encountered anyone so patient, loyal and gentle.

He knows everything about all the shit I’ve been through. He knows what my issues are, where I struggle and how I battle to cope sometimes. But this doesn’t put him off at all!

Actually, much to my amazement, he thinks I’m “interesting”, “smart” and “incredibly sexy” :D

So I was in this state of turmoil and we went through a mutual breakup a little while back … we both decided that a bit of personal space was required in the area of intimacy. We remained friends during this period and still spent a bit of time together (outside of work.) Sir G is after all my best friend, and one of only 3 or 4 people around who actually “get” me.

We’ve been spending more and more time together recently … and loving it. We are really very close, such good friends and we have a seriously awesome bond. We’ve spent a lot of our recent time together just talking – about ourselves, our needs and wants, about each other, about us, about our future. We’ve discovered so much more about each other, and rekindled some magical electricity.

So yeah, I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s on! Sir G and I are back together :D

And yip, I am now listed as “in a relationship” on Facebook LOL!

Why should I insist on being alone and miserable while I prove to the world that I’m so bloody strong and independent and that I don’t need anyone? It’s crazy … Here is a man who loves me, who I love right back and yet I think it’s ok to just dismiss that for the sake of “freedom” or what everybody else thinks? No, it’s not right …

The irony of it all, looking back is that I spent the latter half my marriage COMPLETELY alone! I’ve been down that horrible road while I lived in what had evolved into a lonely, loveless relationship. And I certainly proved to the world that I was strong and independent during that time – I had to be, I didn’t have any support at all. No-one knew what I was going through, not even my Dad.

I figure I’ve been there and I’ve got the shitty T-shirt! I can allow that to change can’t I? Why NOT let myself be loved for change? Why NOT let someone care about and for me, help me, make me laugh, encourage me and support me? Why NOT let this man close – he lets me be myself completely, there are no walls between us. I can have fun, I can be my flirty self (yes!), I can have my bad days and he doesn’t judge me or take it personally and get all insecure and possessive. He adds so much to my life, in so many ways.

Sure, it’s an emotional risk for me. Lawd knows I’ve been to hell and back after discovering that my partner of 15 years was seeing another woman. But if I don’t take a chance, I could be throwing away something completely wonderful. For what?

Sir G, thank you for not giving up on me xxx

These were taken in January this year.

  1. SwissTwist says:

    OMG!!!! I’m so happy for you both!! I noticed the status change today, but thought it too rude to ask.

    You’re right hon, be happy with someone who loves you and you love back – those silly excuses for not being with him are just that – SILLY.

    *hugs to you both* :-)

  2. SwissTwist says:

    Oh, did I mention how beautiful you two are together???

  3. SheBee says:

    OH MY FUCKYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am *so* pleased to read this :D :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:DD:D

  4. Andre says:

    Good on you, Sue!
    All the happiness you deserve, k?
    :) )

  5. Chris M says:

    Congratulations Sue! I’ve only met him once and I could tell immediately that he was a really great guy, it doesn’t surprise me that he has stuck it out – good for him and good for you!

  6. Nats says:

    the fact that you are best friends makes it so much more special, Swim in the Ocean! cuz once it gets too rough you can always go back to shore. I’m happy that Sir. G has finally shown you, nay, been there guide you in realizing how interesting and Sexy and strong you are! ” Freedom to change comes after acceptance of ourselves” . one of my favorite quotes.

    we are all bloody humans with defects and shortcomings . . . the only baggage in this life is the shit we wont let go. takes me a few tries to let shit go and let the higher spirit of life take care of it. But once i come to accept myself , with all i believe i am and am not, i have no fear… suddenly life is ok. and we may love and be loved again without expectations, just enjoying the life in ‘being, in the now’.
    and if the winds turn on us , as life has the tendency to do so, we bend with with the wind, and swim to shore.

    Keep dancing with each other as you both hear the music. scales too go up and down (like the roller coaster)… and with that sound—music is created and Anthems are produced.

    Missing ya more than you know.

  7. It is sad how often we give up good things because of what society makes us believe is “normal”. I’m glad that you guys managed to find happiness again.

  8. JOC says:

    Yay! really happy for you both. :-) what a great guy, even though he insists on wearing his re-discovered “awesome” sunglasses :-) You deserve all the happiness in the world!

  9. justB[coz] says:

    WOW!!! All these happiness comments and good wishes!

    @SwissTwist … thank you Swiss. I know what you’ve been going through, my friend. I have been there in that Land of Emptiness and I am so damn proud of you for taking back your power! New doors will open for you, doors that lead to your dreams coming true …

    @SheBee … MWAH XXX :D

    @Andre … *sigh* … thank you. It’s taken me a while to realise that I DO in fact deserve happiness. I AM ok! Just because some tosser thought the grass would be greener on the other side does NOT mean that I’m the scum of the earth and unworthy of love …

    @Chris M … you are so right – Sir G is one of the “good guys” indeed.

    @Nats … Sis, yes, Sir G has shown me a lot about myself that I never realised before! And this has allowed me to dump a truckload of baggage already. We are dancing, we get our footing wrong every now and then, I’m sure, but that’s to be expected!

    @Gustav … so so true. Bugger what we “should” be doing, according to other people’s standards. Let’s pull our own damn strings!

    @JOC … hehehehe … I think those sunglasses are going to “lost” in one of these boxes soon waha!

  10. Glugster says:

    Congrats!!!!! I also noticed the FB change, and my assumptions were spot-on. Damn, I’m clever. LOL

  11. justB[coz] says:

    @Glugster … hey hey!!! Sjoe – that WAS clever :-)

    How you doing Glugs? I haven’t had time to read your blog recently … you coping with all the moving and stuff?

  12. Glugster says:

    Move is done. And not a moment too soon. Hehehe. Just trying to clear my inbox at the moment.

  13. justB[coz] says:

    *whew* great stuff … moving is SO stressful!

  14. Ches says:

    Uncertainty is an adventure!

  15. justB[coz] says:

    That it is Ches, that it is! You only live once hey?

  16. Ches says:

    You can either live your life once…or every single day! ;)

  17. justB[coz] says:

    DEEPNESS Ches!

    And yes, that’s exactly what I was doing – living the same damn day over and over again … I don’t recommend it! Being in limbo is soul destroying. But, I always believe that everything happens for a reason and I know I needed to go through that VERY dark time to learn about myself, my true self, not the “white-picket-fence” me that I knew would keep everyone happy. I’ve let that go and found so many good things :-)

  18. Ches says:

    I think what I was trying to say was live for the moment…

  19. justB[coz] says:

    And I think I was agreeing with you, in a roundabout way :-)

  20. StevenMcD says:

    YAY!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats! Sir G FTW!

  21. Chris M says:

    “You can either live your life once…or every single day!”

    Love that comment :)

  22. Mom says:

    It’s been a while since I’ve been here and have professed to be the unemotional type, but on reading this, I’m feeling quite choked ….I think the world of Sir G, he knows this and it hasn’t been easy for both of you to get to where you are today but…. YAAY!!! I’ve never been one to care a hoot about what other people think or say and neither should you, as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters. xx

  23. Dad says:

    I’ve never been one to care a hoot about what other people think or say and neither should you, *as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters * xx – ditto