Posted July 3rd, 2008 by justBcoz in Personal []
Tags: , , , ,

Today has been pretty crap for me and to top it off, I’ve just had a nasty, surreal experience.

I linked through to something from a Twitter post and arrived at a site that looked interesting. It had a members’ area, so I went to go have a peak at who was involved in their community and there, staring me in the face was “HER” name on her very own page on the site.

I wasn’t ready for that. I’m still shaking a bit, all sorts of horrible memories have just come flooding back into my head and I’m not handling it very well.

I know I shouldn’t let it get to me – reason and logic tells me there’s no point, that it’s a fruitless waste of energy. In my head I know this. My marriage has officially been over for more than a year now and I have to move on.

I’m surprised by this speed wobble. I really thought I’d be beyond reacting in this emo way. But even just seeing her name and her bio has shaken me up badly. It’s a ghastly reminder of everything.

Thankfully there wasn’t a picture though, I may just have punched my monitor.

It’s been a long time since I cried about what happened. Perhaps this is all because I’m a bit low today anyway. I wonder if I’ll ever truly be over it? God, I hope so …

justBcoz
  1. Geez man. the day just gets worse. I don’t know what happened but I hope you’re ok.

  2. Apie says:

    Dont know you but can relate in a very small way to your experience. Hope you do better and grow stronger. This kinda thing is bound to happen so better sooner than later?

  3. justB[coz] says:

    I’m ok, thanks Justin … already feeling a bit better. I’m sure tomorrow will be good. I think I’m going to take a few hours off during the day and get out a bit, try to relax for a while. It’s been a bit of a rough day, but I’ll bounce back, I always do :-)

  4. justB[coz] says:

    @Apie, I really appreciate your comment. Thank you.

  5. B says:

    All I can say is what I was told..

    Just Breathe..

  6. Cluckhoff says:

    Although a stiff drink is the worst advice I can give you, I’ll still be buying you one tonight anyway.

  7. justB[coz] says:

    @B Hello :-) Just breathe … yes, just breath and know that “this too shall pass”. Thank you for coming to visit and for your comment.

    @Cluckhoff – Thanks, I really need it!! So looking forward to it :-)

  8. Kat says:

    It takes awhile to move on, to truly move on.
    I’ve been divorced since 1994, and there have still been a few times when I have seen my ex-husband’s face or heard his name, that my knees wobbled a bit, or my stomach churned.

    These people were a part of our lives, for the good and the bad, and so it’s perfectly natural and normal to still feel things, good and bad, when we see them, see the new person they are with, or even meet a person with the same name.

    Don’t knock yourself over it, it takes time, and it really does happen when it’s good and ready to.

  9. justB[coz] says:

    Thank you Kat. I know I am very hard on myself sometimes, but what you say is very true – this is going to take time and I shouldn’t knock myself for being emo about it every now and then. We were together for 15 years, that’s a bit chunk of my life and it’s a lot to get over …