Posted March 17th, 2008 by justBcoz in Life at Home, Work []
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Friday was miserable. I mean, I was miserable – I had the crappiest day to top off a pretty bad week - probably an accumulation of not enough sleep and “that time of the month.” I was so low, felt like my world was caving in on top of me. I’m not sure why or how, but sometimes angry depression hits me so hard that I feel frantic, frustrated, and on the brink of a massive emotional explosion.

On Friday I woke up feeling like I just needed to be alone, to have some time to myself. Having the office at home is very convenient in some ways but it also means that I am constantly surrounded by people, which is so draining for me. I enjoy being social (when I have the energy) but I find it incredibly stressful to have other people here for at least 50 hours every week – there isn’t a moment’s privacy, and that’s something I desperately need. Added to that is the horrid negative energy around at the moment (so bad that it actually churns my gut!) and it’s a recipe for disaster for me, a sure fire way to screw with my head and send me spiraling down into what feels like hell. I try to reason with myself and tell myself that I couldn’t keep the business going without them here, but logic goes out the window in the midst of everything and I struggle to function, let alone think straight about anything.

Anyway, so Friday was awful – tense, confusing and tearful – and I couldn’t wait for it to be over so that I could wake up on Saturday and just get on with being me, run some errands and potter freely round the house without feeling like I was being suffocated, under surveillance or being forced to absorb some very odd vibes. And that’s exactly what I did on Saturday. Bits and pieces of domestic stuff, not very exciting, but it kept me busy for a few hours and let me cross off a few things from my mammoth, never-ending ”to do” list. I also carried on playing LOST on my Xbox 360 – love that game!! I got quite far and managed to unlock some new achievements and score a whole bunch of new gamer points – I’m starting to look like a hardcore gamer haha =)

Sunday was a very lazy morning; I only got up at lunch time …. I cleaned up a bit and got stuck into the back garden. Recently, I dug the whole thing up and replanted. It’s been a while since I did anything besides just water it and get the grass cut, so I cleared out the beds, trimmed all the lawn edges and ripped out some plants that didn’t manage to survive (mostly due to the damn dogs peeing on them), and put down a sprinkling of organic snail bait. Then I cooked dinner and fired up my Xbox to finish LOST. Shit, what am I going to play now?? I’ll probably go back and redo some parts so that I can get all the achievements – it’s fairly easy to get them in this game, which is great ‘cos I’m not exactly gifted as a gamer =) I enjoying playing, but I kinda suck. I like playing Burnout (the old one, not “Paradise”) and the WSOP games – lots of fun, especially if you play with other gamers on Xbox Live.

Today I need to go and get something to kill the worms in my garden – these big fat green and pink mothers are devouring everything! And they don’t discriminate – just about every poor plant has holey evidence of midnight worm feasts!!

But first, its gym time! I haven’t been since Friday (only went twice last week which is not great) and I feel like a bit of a lazy lump. So, I’m going to tough it out for an hour and work up a good sweat.

I’m feeling much better today. I really hope I can keep myself in a relatively good frame of mind. I’m going to try hard not to let other people’s shit affect me ….