Select Page


You know how when you’re a fiery Aries woman, with Spanish and Irish blood coursing through your veins, going through PMS week and you get so fuck-off angry at a situation that you react by doing something totally impulsive, radical and permanent and then you look back on it a while later and think: “Crap, perhaps that wasn’t such a great idea after all.”




Why I don’t really blog anymore

In a word: PRIVACY

I am loathe to feed the gossiping interlopers – people IRL with big mouths who feel it’s their right to poke their nose into my personal life and concern themselves with what’s actually none of their business.

Oh dear …

Thanks so much to everyone who voted for me – you rock! And I’m stoked to be representing Cape Town and the erm, “veteran” age group.

But a photo shoot? This is like my worst nightmare just came true. Gulp.

On being alone

I give you fair warning: this is an emo post.

It’s Saturday. And here I sit. Alone. Again. How awful.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a very private person and I enjoy being on my own. Occasionally.  I have at least 9 other people in my personal space all day, 5 days a week, so I relish the peace and privacy that each weekend promises. What I don’t enjoy, however, is the fact that I have no choice in the matter, that I have no other option but to be alone right now and that upsets me. This isn’t how it’s meant to be …

Funny, yesterday all I wanted was to have 10 minutes to myself out in my garden and I couldn’t get that. Here I am today, out in my garden, utterly alone. And I feel completely miserable because this is not what I want. Not today.


It’s been nearly 4 months since Sir G and I split up and apart from the years of trauma I went through before, during and after my divorce, this has to be one of the toughest periods in my life.

I’ve not been properly single for nearly 20 years. In all that time I’ve had 2 relationships – one with my ex husband (15 years) and one with Sir G (4 years). Some tell me that I am loyal to a fault, but that’s another story for another time.

I always knew that sooner or later, me being “the boss” was going to be a problem. That, plus the fact that I live in and work from this house. Eventually, Sir G just disliked both these things too much for us to continue with our personal relationship.

Do I still love him? Without doubt.

Do I miss him? Terribly.

Are we friends? I’d like to think so.

Are we still going away on holiday together next month? Definitely.

Do I still want to rip his clothes off every time he walks in the door? Absolutely.

He’s beautiful, inside and out. We were lucky enough to share a sublime connection during our time together.

But …

The thing is, I may be “the boss” from 9-5, but I certainly don’t want to wear that mantle all the time, and definitely not after hours. That’s the problem when people perceive you as being a strong, independent woman – they don’t realize that there are times when you want/need to let that all go and just be, well, vulnerable.  There are times when all you want is to be with someone who knows you inside out and takes care of you for a change – physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially.

*waits for the feminist backlash*

Looking back, I don’t think I’ve had the privilege of sharing that treasured 4-way bond with anyone.

Looking forward, I don’t know that I ever will.

And that depresses the hell out of me.

Let’s get real for a minute here: I am staring down the barrel of being a 40-year old divorcee with 2 nearly grown kids.

That’s not a great prospect.

And if you’re about to tell me something akin to “but life begins at 40!” … Fuck off.

What bullshit. I know not ONE woman over 40 who’s walking that talk. Anyone who claims that is lying. They’re telling themselves it’s OK to live without someone to love completely and who loves you back unconditionally. It’s not.

That’s not living. That’s missing out on what makes everything you feel, smell, hear, taste, touch, think and dream come alive.

I want that.

And no, I don’t think I “deserve” it. That’s bullshit too. No-one deserves anything. Life doesn’t play fair.


I see people all around me hooking up, getting engaged, embarking on the journey of marriage together.

I’m happy for them.

I’m sad for me.

5 Years ago, even just 2 years ago, I would have cringed at the idea of getting married again. But now … now I’m ready. And now I’m single. Oh, the irony!


Every day I ask myself: is this it? Is this how my life is going to be until I kick the bucket?

Work. Eat. Read. Sleep. Rinse. Repeat.

Seems pretty pointless to me.

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself and this is what I see:

  • I’m past my prime.
  • I’m overweight.
  • I have eye bags and saggy boobs.
  • I’m painfully shy and an extreme introvert.
  • I don’t talk.
  • I’m moody.
  • I’m selfish and stubborn.
  • I’m misunderstood – always have been.
  • I don’t cook.
  • I detest housework.

Who would want to team up with that?

It’s Saturday. And here I sit. Alone. Again. How awful.

Will I always be alone? I rather suspect the answer may be a resounding “YES!”

I’m not really ok

Some of you have noticed that I’m somewhat MIA – thanks for missing me. Really.

The truth is that I’m not really ok at the moment. I’m not writing this to elicit sympathy and fuss – that’s the last thing I want. I’m just letting you know that I’m going through a rough time. A really rough time. Actually, I’m in the middle of a horribly dark depression and when that happens, I go quiet. I withdraw and shut down. Right or wrong, it’s just how I deal with things.

So that’s why I haven’t been on Twitter, why I haven’t been on Facebook, why I haven’t been blogging and why I’m not engaging with people in general at the moment. I simply don’t have the energy. I’m completely drained – physically, emotionally and mentally.

If you suffer from depression, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. If you don’t, my behaviour might seem inexplicable and you probably won’t be able to relate to anything I’m saying.

But it’s real. Very real.

And it needs to be overcome. And it will be. I just need some time to sort my shit out and pull myself towards myself. I don’t know how long it will take – could be days, could be weeks – but I’ll get there. This is not a new experience for me, unfortunately, but I always get over it sooner or later.

Mmk, this was a hard post to write – it’s not exactly easy admitting that you’re fragile and down in the dumps when everyone perceives you to be this strong and inspirational being.

I’m no superwoman.

I’m just human.

For the love of Ballet

So here’s something you may not know about me … I am a ballet lover!

For as long as I can remember, ballet and dance have been a big, beautiful part of my life.

  • I started dancing at the age of 5 and made a really tough decision to give it up in high school when I took on Physics as an extra subject and my art took up most of my free time.
  • While I lived with my grandparents during my early childhood, they took me to watch every ballet they could.
  • I was affectionately known then as “Suzanna Bromilova” – my Russian stage name, lol!
  • I couldn’t wait to open my presents at Christmas, I just *knew* there’d be an awesome ballet calendar and a record of ballet music. My favourite record to listen to was The Nutcracker.
  • Every New Year’s Eve, I’d get together with a bunch of girls and put on a special performance for the family.
  • I owned REAL friggin’ tutus!
  • After my grandfather died, my Gran and I continued to to go to the ballet together for another (nearly) 20 years, right up until she could no longer drive.
  • When I got a bit older, I volunteered to help out with all the ticketing arrangements for the Friends of Cape Town City Ballet, the Balletomanes.
  • During my teen years, my Dad married one of Cape Town City Ballet’s principle dancers, Juanita Yazbek.
  • My Dad’s been doing the photography for Cape Town City Ballet for EVER!
  • I’ve shared my love for ballet with both my boys and Sir G – I took them to watch Orpheus in the Underworld. (It’s a great production to introduce people to ballet.)
  • Cape Town City Ballet was my very first official client when I started my business over 10 years ago and they are still with me now. I am 100% loyal to them and support them in every way possible.

Yup, this me doing my thang on New Years Eve

Why am I telling you all this?

Well, the sad fact is that after 75 years, Cape Town City Ballet will have to close down.

UNLESS they receive a whole lot of funding. Fast.

When I heard about the dire financial straights that CTCB is in, I came up with a Cunning Plan to help raise funds for them. Last week, I rounded up a few members of my fabulous team and together we set about creating an online campaign to solicit donations from the public.

The campaign was launched today!


Save Cape Town City Ballet

Everyone who makes a donation stands to win a prize. Everyone who participates in the campaign through their website also stands to win a prize – a 16GB Apple iPad!

So far, the response has been just brilliant. We’ve had nearly 20 site owners register to participate and donations are rolling in already.

As you can imagine, this is a cause very close to my heart and I’m over the moon that this initiative has gotten off to such a ripper of a start 😀

To everyone who’s taken the time and effort to join in, THANK YOU!

To everyone who’s digging into their pockets to donate, THANK YOU!

If you want to take part in our campaign, it’s really easy to do – just visit for all the info you need to get going.


Here are some of the posts that have already been published by
bloggers and site owners around the country: