May 13, 2009 | Kids, Life at Home, Personal
Hmmm … ja … so I obviously haven’t written anything in a while.
Here’s some inside info: if I’m quiet for a long time, you KNOW something’s wrong.
At first, that was because I was in a my-life-is-so-excrutiatingly-dull-there’s-nothing-worthwhile-to-write-about phase. And I’m not exaggerating. My day-to-day existence suddenly appeared to be SO stale and monotonous that I couldn’t even bring myself to write about it. It seemed utterly pointless. There was just NOTHING going on and yes, I was in a total rut. Again. Hey, it happens you know? Well, to me at least. Meh.
So then, last week events took a drastic about turn. For the worse. And in the last week, I’ve been so wrapped up in the new drama happening, and trying to keep my head above water, that I simply haven’t had the energy to write anything. It’s been a heartbreaking and tearful few days, a massive test of my resolve.
So my life has gone from one extreme to the other in a very short space of time!
The Drama?
Well, it’s Son#1 related. And it’s ugly. It’s resulted in him moving out of home. But that’s not where it’s going to end. There’s going to be a LOT more crap to deal with before this show plays out … I may write more about this, to vent. Or not. Although I have plenty to say on the matter, I’m a little hesitant to share my feelings because any posts about the issue could very well add fuel to the fire at this stage. And SHIT, that sucks.
I feel a bit censored and I’m really not sure how to best deal with it. You know Son#1 reads my blog (so does the X btw), and he seriously takes me to task if I write stuff he doesn’t like. That shouldn’t bother me. Or should it? This is my outlet, but it’s public … I don’t to hurt anyone but at the same time I don’t want to feel like my freedom has been curtailed in any way, especially since him laying into me (about more than just this blog) is partly to blame for the current drama.
What are your thoughts on this?
Me
Apr 30, 2009 | Kids
The X bought Son#1 a new car for his 18th …
He’s absolutely over the moon about it.
Jeez, this feels strange … my boy is DRIVING now!
As you know, I’m not thrilled about this but I’m not going to spoil his fun.
He knows how I feel about him being given a car and that’s that.
Apr 17, 2009 | Kids
Son#1 is 18 today … my baby is 18 … unbelievable!
And he started off his birthday by PASSING HIS DRIVER’S TEST!!!!
I’m so stoked for him – he was SO nervous, but he did it 😀
*beams proudly*
Happy Birthday my beautiful boy.
I love you baby. I fell in love with you the minute I laid eyes on you
and that incredible connection only grows stronger with each passing day.
You’re growing up into an amazing young man, brimming with strength, love and wisdom,
and I am crazy proud to be your mother.
xxx
Apr 16, 2009 | Friends and Family, Kids, Personal
Just one more sleep until my “baby” turns 18 …OMG, there’s a whole lot of Over the Hill issues right there!
Jeez, I can’t frigging believe it. 18 years ago, I was in the middle of my 24-hour labour, gearing up to squeeze out my little girl. Yup, he was supposed to be a girl! I had pink blankies and everything wah!
Anyhoo … so tomorrow’s his big day and he’s organized a braai at a spot in Obs for all his nearest and dearest. That includes the X. And the X’s brothers …
So, yeah … that’s going to be tricky. Not so much with the younger uncle who I get along quite well with (he’s my age), but with the X’s twin, who lives in the UK. My last conversation with him was on the phone, just after the X had moved out. I’ll never forget what he said to me: “Yes well, if you were MY wife, I would have slapped you ages ago!” I haven’t spoken to him since.
I was incredibly upset at the time. Deeply hurt that someone could compound the pain of what I was going through with such unjustified cruelty. But then I decided “Fuck him. Fuck them ALL!” That whole side of my family was *obviously* going to side with their blood kin and I gave up trying to vindicate myself. I let them blame me, scold me and badmouth me because I knew that trying to defend myself to them would just seem pathetic and desperate.
They all lay the blame firmly at my feet. The X can do no wrong in their eyes and you know what? That’s fine with me because *I* know the truth and the people who matter to me also know the truth, no matter what lies were spread about me (and yes, I got to hear about some SHOCKERS). Not ONE of them bothered to talk to me about the situation or find out my side of the story. I’ve known these people for 30 years.
But, they are not my family anymore. I divorced out of their clan just over 2 years ago and they no longer have any hold over me. I’m not remotely interested in their lives and if I never had to see any of them again, that would be absolutely fine with me. But … I have to face them all tomorrow. And I shall, for my boy.
One good thing – SHE’s not going to be there. Her kids are though. That’s cool – they’re just kids and they had nothing to do with the ugliness. But she had everything to do with it and I told Son1 that I wouldn’t go if she pitched up. No way. Not for all the tea in China would I want to be around someone who (at HER bloody age) should have damn well known better but whom deliberately and cruelly set about to rip apart our family. If I ever see her again, I’m quite ready to beat the shit out of her.
Mmk, so then next thing that’s on my mind is that Son1 is doing his driver’s test at the crack of dawn tomorrow. (Good luck my boy!!!) And the X is buying him a car, which I am totally against. I’m not anti my boy getting a car, no … I’m anti the fact that it’s just being bought for him – a brand new Ford Fiesta (apparently). I think it’s crazy, over-the-top-spoiling. I would have liked to see him do something to EARN the car, instead of it just landing in his lap, with absolutely no effort on his part whatsoever. It’s not right.
*sigh*
Apr 2, 2009 | Kids, School
So this afternoon, the X and I met with the educational psychologist who assessed Son#2 a few weeks ago.
The assessment was done because he didn’t pass Grade 8 last year and both the school and we, as parents needed to know exactly what was going on with him – to see if there was possibly some underlying learning disability that’s contributing to an otherwise VERY bright child not performing to his academic potential.
Turns out there is.
Son#2 has problems with reading and writing. At the age of 15, he is only able to read and write at the level that a 10 year old is able to. This obviously impacts on every area of his school work and that is why he’s been struggling so much.
So … we’ve been given the names of 2 ladies who specialise in dealing with young adults experiencing problems at school as a result of these disabilities and we’re going to get him in to start therapy with one of them asap. It’s going to mean many months of therapy and he’s going to have to work really hard to get up to speed.
This isn’t great news, of course. But in some ways I’m really relieved because the underlying problem has now been identified (and it’s nothing as sinister as I had imagined) and we can now start with a solution!
Mar 10, 2009 | Kids, School
Good hair means curls and waves
Bad hair means you look like a slave
At the turn of the century
Its time for us to redefine who we be
You can shave it off
Like a South African beauty
Or get in on lock
Like Bob Marley
You can rock it straight
Like Oprah Winfrey
If its not what’s on your head
Its what’s underneath and say HEY….
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations no no
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am a soul that lives within
If I wanna shave it close
Or if I wanna rock locks
That don’t take a bit away
From the soul that I got
[India.Arie]
