Mmk, I’m not going to just assume that you all know the history between us, so let me fill you in a bit …
Sir G (aka BiggestMullet) and I got together in early 2006, about 6 months after my X and I separated, during the very icky time that the divorce was being sorted out. It was never anything serious at first … we were good friends and we were just having fun you know?
Plus, he works for me and he’s 8 years younger than me! I mean, really now – how could that *possibly* turn into anything long term or meaningful, right?
It took us a while, but we did become rather enamoured with each other 🙂
And things were going great for a long time, until I got it into my head that this couldn’t be right, for many reasons:
- The big age gap – he’s too young for me
- Therefore (!) he’s not mature enough
- He works for me
- It’s probably just a rebound thing?
- Sooner or later he’s going to find someone his own age (or younger)
- I’m carrying too much baggage to be any good as a partner
- I should be “spreading my wings” now?
- I need to prove how strong and independent I am
- Being alone is “good” for me somehow
- I can’t really trust anyone anymore, can I?
Yeah … rather mixed up and confused me was!
I mean, here’s a man who totally adores me (ME!!!), completely accepts everything about me – all my baggage, my ups and downs (he calls it the rollercoaster), has proved over and over and over again that despite my conscious and subconscious efforts to push him away (fuck, I’m such a bitch sometimes), he STICKS by my side. He has tolerated months of yours truly being convinced that no-one could ever love her again and he’s just continued to love me, no questions asked, no explanation required. I’ve never encountered anyone so patient, loyal and gentle.
He knows everything about all the shit I’ve been through. He knows what my issues are, where I struggle and how I battle to cope sometimes. But this doesn’t put him off at all!
Actually, much to my amazement, he thinks I’m “interesting”, “smart” and “incredibly sexy” 😀
So I was in this state of turmoil and we went through a mutual breakup a little while back … we both decided that a bit of personal space was required in the area of intimacy. We remained friends during this period and still spent a bit of time together (outside of work.) Sir G is after all my best friend, and one of only 3 or 4 people around who actually “get” me.
We’ve been spending more and more time together recently … and loving it. We are really very close, such good friends and we have a seriously awesome bond. We’ve spent a lot of our recent time together just talking – about ourselves, our needs and wants, about each other, about us, about our future. We’ve discovered so much more about each other, and rekindled some magical electricity.
So yeah, I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s on! Sir G and I are back together 😀
And yip, I am now listed as “in a relationship” on Facebook LOL!
Why should I insist on being alone and miserable while I prove to the world that I’m so bloody strong and independent and that I don’t need anyone? It’s crazy … Here is a man who loves me, who I love right back and yet I think it’s ok to just dismiss that for the sake of “freedom” or what everybody else thinks? No, it’s not right …
The irony of it all, looking back is that I spent the latter half my marriage COMPLETELY alone! I’ve been down that horrible road while I lived in what had evolved into a lonely, loveless relationship. And I certainly proved to the world that I was strong and independent during that time – I had to be, I didn’t have any support at all. No-one knew what I was going through, not even my Dad.
I figure I’ve been there and I’ve got the shitty T-shirt! I can allow that to change can’t I? Why NOT let myself be loved for change? Why NOT let someone care about and for me, help me, make me laugh, encourage me and support me? Why NOT let this man close – he lets me be myself completely, there are no walls between us. I can have fun, I can be my flirty self (yes!), I can have my bad days and he doesn’t judge me or take it personally and get all insecure and possessive. He adds so much to my life, in so many ways.
Sure, it’s an emotional risk for me. Lawd knows I’ve been to hell and back after discovering that my partner of 15 years was seeing another woman. But if I don’t take a chance, I could be throwing away something completely wonderful. For what?
Sir G, thank you for not giving up on me xxx
These were taken in January this year.