“Back in the day” (oh how I detest that phrase) when I was lecturing at Hirt & Carter, I had a colleague who was totally convinced that how we dressed ourselves each day – the garments, the colours, the assembly, everything – was a visual clue to our current state of mind. His interpretations fascinated me … he could tell so much about people’s internal lives just from their clothing.

I am wearing all blue and brown today. A jean pant, pale turquoise polo neck jersey, blue shell chandelier earings, brown suede boots, brown jacket.

Blue mud.

I’ve not been a TGIF sort of person for at least 9 years now, not since I started my own business. Friday, Sunday, Wednesday … it doesn’t matter what day of the week it is, my mind is continually occupied with the business of my business – my people, my clients, my time, my accounts, my admin tasks, my targets, my strategy, my hardware, my software, my skills, my personal work load, my vision. It doesn’t matter that I can turn off my pc and unplug. I can’t unplug my mind. Ever.

Perhaps it has something to do with the industry I’m in. The internet doesn’t care that my workday should end at 5pm GMT +2 (or whatever). It’s not going to stop for me. It’s not going to take a break from expanding and evolving just because I need some R&R. That’s why I hate it. And love it.

No matter what’s going on with me, the internet never stops. That’s both incredibly stimulating and ridiculously scary at the same time. You see, apart from the fact that I’m responsible for ensuring my business survives, I’m also trying to pull it out of the Web 1.0 doldrums – I’m playing catch-up with all the amazing new stuff that’s happening in the industry. I was basically out of action for 3 years and in the www, that’s a life time. Catching up is not optional. Changing with the times is not a luxury. In this business, it’s critical.

It’s all very well to know that in the past I’ve done some pretty cool stuff – creating the first accredited Web Authoring course in the country, developing an intranet for a large corporation, blah blah blah – it doesn’t help me now. It means nothing. Things have changed too much.

It’s pretty scary for me to admit that I don’t know *nearly* enough. But I know enough to know that I don’t know enough. Still, the knowledge gap needs to be bridged and new skills need to be exercised so that my visions can become realities …

I know that some of my team members are happy and comfortable to continue with the same ‘ol same o’l. And for a certain aspect of the business, that’s fine. But it’s not fine for me and the part of the business that I want to grow. Remaining in our comfort zone is not going to get us anywhere (except perhaps 6 feet under) and it’s not going to do anything for me other than bore me completely to death. Seriously, I can do this stuff in my sleep, blindfolded and both hands tied behind my back.

Part of my strategy to move us forward is to get new people in to start at the bottom so that the rest of us can get the time we to learn new stuff and start working differently. I’m still struggling with that – not much luck finding anyone yet, but I’ll keep looking until I find the right person/people. Until then though, I’m pretty much stuck. Urgh.

So when Friday rolls around and everyone else is bucked that it’s the weekend, I’m reminded that yet another week has gone by without me having achieved all that I want/need to achieve in order to strengthen our position in the market or to expand my own mental horizons. That blows. Pfft.

More blue mud:

• Something bit me under my right eye during the night and it / I / my eye looks horrid.
• I’m sick of this shitty, cold and wet weather.
• These boxes all around me are totally freaking me out. I *must* get them sorted.
• And I still have a gazillion boxes at my mom’s place! Urgh.
• A glimpse of the dreaded muffin top in the mirror this morning blew big fat hairy fartballs.
• And stepping on the scale today was so not a good idea, not in the mood I’m in.
• I have a personal emotional issue going on that’s completely draining me.
• My old N95 is irritating the crap out of me – it keeps booting me out, hanging and dying.
• I have no TV and no Xbox at the moment. Sucks.
• I haven’t been outside since Sunday. That’s pathetic!

I so need to turn today around …

I’m ok though … I think it’s just a bad hair day.