Son#1 has reached a turning point – this is what he says, and the counselor’s agree with him.
At yesterday’s session, he told us how he had had a brilliant week, that he’d really been working hard and that he’d started to talk … for the first time. It’s taken weeks of being in the clinic, but he’s finally begun to open up to the other kids and to the counselors and on Wednesday, he spoke for the first time about his attempt on his life.
He’s also found an NA (Narcotics Anonymous) sponsor, which he’s very happy about.
At last … he’s participating, he’s thinking, he’s confronting, he’s digging and he’s talking. For so long now, for so many years, I have wanted him to open up, to talk about how he’s feeling instead of just saying “fine” all the time!
He’s facing issues that he’s blocked out his mind and numbed with alcohol and narcotics for years. He’s dealing with trauma that has wounded his soul and he’s winning. He’s starting to look human again, he’s starting to look like the beautiful strong young man he really is.
He’s allowed to come home this weekend and sleep here too, so I’m going to fetch him a bit later and then I’ll find out what he is and isn’t allowed to do over the next two days.
I know there was a bit of conflict around him going out tomorrow – the counselors want him to have one “clean” weekend in the house before that happens, and he was not happy about that at all. So that could potentially be the only hiccup.
I sure hope so … after what happened last weekend (which the counselors reckon was a good thing) and the way I’m feeling right now, drama is something I/we can all do without!
@Nats Please keep writing!!!
“resentment is like pissing your pants, no one else can feel it but you”.
You make more sense about this whole situation than anyone else I have spoken to or read on this blog. I salute you for having the strength and courage to have gone through everything you did and also for sharing it all with us.
HOLY FUCKBALLS!!!
Nats, wow … I don’t know you like this! It’s been years since I saw you and my god woman, you are a different person!!!
I think I’m going to have to re-read this about 100x to take everything in …
Shit, I wish you weren’t so far away, on the other side of the world.
[ For those of you who don’t know, Nats is my half sister – I met her when I was 18, she was 6. And yeah, we went through some shit a few years ago, pretty similar to what Son#1 is experiencing now. So this young lady has lived it and kicked it and totally turned her life around. I am crazy proud of her 😀 ]
Hi sis… I’ve just begun to read into your life, “welcome to the fucking jungle” lol, i may be prematurely blurting things out here but reading things about Son #1 and how you feel like a jack ass cuz of your Piss brain X, i just want to remind you of something very briefly, and to let you know that I AM because you helped ME BE. it really touches home when i hear Son#1 going through his process, it strangely reminds me of myself around 4.5 years ago. And i went to the same Damn place too… i tell you one thing, It saved my life, my soul my heart and my mind. it fucking Sucked and i hated you en mom en Anyone else who wanted to know, i mean REALLY know what kind of bats are flying in my head.i did not want to be helped yet i wanted nothing more at the same time. Fucking counselor telling me i was NOT ok that i was the one that needed help…, WTF? and then telling me i had a Problem containing my casual using of ‘feel me goods ‘every hour or so. Turns out the MO FO was right! HA…imagine that, there i thought that you were all F-ing Nuts and you all needed the help, pff! tell me i cant Handle my life. ( i was homeless, penny less,mind less beauty less,) You were there for me , of course mom and my closer friends who Busted my Ass. You my sis, took me in and made sure i had the help i needed, even though i fought it…even for a while.. you loved me when i didnt know how to love myself, while you had your own crazy ass bats in your head. That takes a special kind of woman. you are that special kind of LAdy my sis! and if i have to hear ( and i haven’t even gone through all these blogs yet) one more time of you bashing yourself being anything less than amazing, i will have to take that raft i came to the US with(which is an on going joke with my friends here cuz i came from africa) and row back to your door step and kick you up your cute little ASS! ;p
the most healing i got was when i opened up about everything, honestly and fearlessly while there was another willing to listen not judge a word from my lips. and talking in the mirror does not count! we only judge ourselves worse than the ones that like us least.
I’m grateful for your existence because today i kind of look like you and thats HOT. lol. i can function (most of the time) and most importantly…in this fucking jungle where bats are Crazy, i’m in a process called life and i’m not afraid anymore, i am conscious and no F-ing X in my life will tear my book apart… no matter what is said, i know the truth, You know the truth…no one needs to validate that but you. there is a great statement in NA. “resentment is like pissing your pants, no one else can feel it but you”. allowing anyone to live in your head rent free is a costly expense. be selfish for a change and give someone the blessing on listening to your head honestly. Son#1 is beginning his process and he can freely talk to me at any point if he wishes to. and so can you.
Now that my short comment has come to a close….;p we are all monkeys swinging on vines, sometimes we fall and shit ourselves, but we just need to throw it in anothers face and climb up the tree again to keep up with the flow of the universe.
the H.O.W is Honesty open Mindedness and Willingness
I love you! HUGS
Thanks Chris 🙂
I can relate to a lot of what you’re going through. Just keep pushing and pushing, time and hard work will heal all of this! Thinking of you <3
BTW everyone – the first night, Friday, was completely uneventful and totally DRAMA FREE!!!
*whips out the pom poms* YAAAY my boytjie!!
😀
Yeah … Monday and Tuesday – 2 days of Family Therapy in a row!! ERK …
I hear what you’re saying about opening my mouth boy, but as I’ve tried to tell you, it’s ridiculously difficult for me to talk with Dad there … and that’s because of how I wasn’t heard by him in the past, because he failed to take me seriously … there’s more to it than just that though, a LOT more, and it’s really hard for me to try and explain it, what it’s like to endure years of being dismissed, judged, ignored and pretty much left with no sense of confidence or self-belief …
Plus there are a lot of raw wounds still, and I’m not sure that talking will help to heal anything. It *could* make things worse if he’s going to be as switched off to things I have to say, like he was before. I can see myself becoming unbelievably frustrated all over again.
Also, I’m not sure if it’s appropriate for you – I mean, us airing our dirty laundry in front of you? Isn’t this our shit? You shouldn’t have to take all that on … I don’t know … but it’s why I haven’t really gone into what happened with you – I felt I had to protect you from all that crap, and I never, EVER wanted to bad-mouth dad in any way to you. That’s why I kept quiet.
progress is a wonderfull feeling and couldnt do it without you mum!
you forget to mention the much anticipated family sessions on monday and tuesday!
those should be interesting…
and you’ve heard it before!
OPEN YOUR BLOODY MOUTH!…
🙂
x
@Steve … Thank you! May it be awesome indeed.
I’ve just come back from fetching him and he is allowed to sleep over and only go back on Monday morning 😀
He also needs to go to 2 NA meetings, so I’ll need to check out where they are and organise that …
I’m really happy for Son#1 and for you. May you both have an awesome weekend together 🙂
@Dad … yeah, we really do!
I’m not sure if the “going out” thing is still an issue – I’ll see when I go get him just now.
@Glugster … Thanks 🙂
I’m a bit out of the loop here, but will do some catching up. It does come accross as a very positive post though. I’m really glad things are looking up for Son#1. I’m not going to try and come up inspirational and motivational mumbo jumbo. All I want to say is “Good Luck”.
I really hope that both of you can have a peaceful and relaxed weekend as you both need it.
Son#1 don’t blow all the progress you have made just for a few hours out. One step at a time.