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I think this has to rate right up there as one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

I got back from the clinic about an hour ago, heart broken and tear stained, after spending 2 hours in the room while the counselors spoke to my son and asked him questions. I wasn’t allowed to open my mouth or even nod my head! I felt so helpless, and angry. I’ve got the sobbing under control now, I think … I’ve washed my face, taken a few deep long breaths and reminded myself to think long-term – to think that this is for HIM, this is what HE needs, to put my selfish “already missing him” thoughts aside and remember that this is for HIS sake.

*breathe*

I wish I wasn’t being such a cry baby about this. I have NO idea why I’m so upset. I should be coping a whole lot better – I’m the “Mother” FFS! In my head I know he’s going to come out at the other end of this programme a changed person, for the better – stronger, more in touch with who he is and better equipped to deal with everything.

*breathe*

But I know how hard it’s going to be for him, especially for the first few days when he is not allowed to have any contact with any of us. It’s going to be so strange, for both of us – we’ve always been just an sms or a phone call away from each other when he’s not here at home. Now that’s gone, for the moment, at least.

*breathe*

I’m going to have to tell his GF and dad that they can’t see him. Not yet – the counselors said they will evaluate when he is ready to have them visit him. I can go and see him on Friday afternoon, after the Parent Support Group. When I first heard about the Support Group for the parents, I scoffed at it … but now, I wish it was Friday already! I think I’m beginning to appreciate just how strong my mother was when we booked my half sister in to the addiction centre next door to KAYA.

*breathe*

So he’s there now, in their care. It’s right.