I think this has to rate right up there as one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
I got back from the clinic about an hour ago, heart broken and tear stained, after spending 2 hours in the room while the counselors spoke to my son and asked him questions. I wasn’t allowed to open my mouth or even nod my head! I felt so helpless, and angry. I’ve got the sobbing under control now, I think … I’ve washed my face, taken a few deep long breaths and reminded myself to think long-term – to think that this is for HIM, this is what HE needs, to put my selfish “already missing him” thoughts aside and remember that this is for HIS sake.
*breathe*
I wish I wasn’t being such a cry baby about this. I have NO idea why I’m so upset. I should be coping a whole lot better – I’m the “Mother” FFS! In my head I know he’s going to come out at the other end of this programme a changed person, for the better – stronger, more in touch with who he is and better equipped to deal with everything.
*breathe*
But I know how hard it’s going to be for him, especially for the first few days when he is not allowed to have any contact with any of us. It’s going to be so strange, for both of us – we’ve always been just an sms or a phone call away from each other when he’s not here at home. Now that’s gone, for the moment, at least.
*breathe*
I’m going to have to tell his GF and dad that they can’t see him. Not yet – the counselors said they will evaluate when he is ready to have them visit him. I can go and see him on Friday afternoon, after the Parent Support Group. When I first heard about the Support Group for the parents, I scoffed at it … but now, I wish it was Friday already! I think I’m beginning to appreciate just how strong my mother was when we booked my half sister in to the addiction centre next door to KAYA.
*breathe*
So he’s there now, in their care. It’s right.
James, it was such a rough time – for all of us. We just had to trust the process and that wasn’t easy.
I still don’t approve of all their methods but I think that in the long run, despite all the difficulties, things worked out pretty well. It made us all more aware of issues, taught us to think about things a bit differently and encouraged us to take responsibility for the parts we played. Only when you get to *that* stage can any real change begin to happen.
I wish you and your son all the very best as you embark on the Kaya journey and I hope that you’ll be able to get to the heart of all the wrongness so that it can be made right.
Much love to you x
All this is 3 years ago. What say you about it all now? My son is going to Kaya next week . . .
Well done for doing the best thing for son #1. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this is for you. Keep strong for him, he needs your support now more than ever (I never had support from my parents-it makes a difference!) But please also look after you, rely on parent support and people who love you.
As for son #2, wish i was there to help more with him, but he’s a strong little man, just keep an eye on him 🙂
Thinking of you and boys now and always. Please let me know if there’s anything i can do (I know i’m far, but just incase there is anything) 🙂
Lots of love.
Quick update – I’ve just spoken to GF. What a little STAR she is!!!
Clever young lady actually thought that the visitor ban might happen. I guess she didn’t say anything because she did not want to discourage Son#1. I’m sure if he had known about that he would not have gone.
AND she warmly and willingly offered any and every kind of help she can give. Actually, she said she would be really grateful if I asked her for help, and I can understand that. At the moment I’m her only connection to him. I’m proud of her too – a real gem she is.
We are thinking of giving his room a complete springclean and overhaul while he’s away … he’ll love it 😀
Have also just sent the X an email to let him know about the visiting thing ARGH!! (No, we don’t really talk – communicate via sms and email.) I’m not looking forward to the response. I hope he doesn’t think this is *my* idea in any way. I’ve given him the number for the clinic. He can call them if he wants to know why/what/when or how …
Yes, he does … he’s so tricky these days though. Just like his dad, he’s started to sweep stuff under the carpet. He was full of questions when i sat him down to tell what was happening, but didn’t *appear* to be phased. I am concerned about him, yes, and keeping an eye on him, trying to stay as close as possible … I’m sure the counselors will want to chat to him too, so I can get their professional opinion once that happens.
Very valid point from Steven about Son#2. He also needs a lot of support and encouragement.
Not sure what he knows about the whole thing but I am sure needs to be kept in the loop as much as viable.
Wish my dad could reply on mine too!!
But, that aside, my friend, well done. so much courage and love for you and the boys.
XXX
@SheBee … it is the most awesome thing 😀
To have my parents here, involved with my life via this blog and interacting with me and everyone else is FANTASTIC!!
Mom left a comment this morning for the first time too … so stoked.
Dude, I want my dad to reply on my blog!
*goes off to email father ‘how to’ instructions*
No worries, from the other posts I’ve read it seems that Son #1’s grandparents rock. The fact that you are replying to posts on a blog says a lot already 🙂
Anyways, as previously stated, you are both in my prayers and so is Son #2 because I’m sure this is equally tough for him too. Hang in there!
Oops!!! Sorry about the gf reference. Kind of read that way in the above.
Very difficult and intense yes. I’m sure the GF will be ok, she’s very supportive, helped to convince Son#1 that this was best for him.
Dad – you do know Steve meant Girl Friend, not you? 🙂
I forgot to mention one thing – the counselors said they are “big on grandparents” – so they want you guys to b involved too …
Just to reassure SteveMcD that his gf (Grandfather) will try his best to “understand and act mature about it”
To my daughter just keep remembering that this is all for Son#1.
All you can do now is continue to be brave and give what ever support you can.
Wowzor.
Sounds intense, hey. I’m glad you came round about the Parent Support, you have a right to be quizzed and query too. Holding your hand all the way.
xoxo
If this is what it takes to make your son better then I guess it’s worth the hardship.
Good luck with this, hope it makes the difference you guys need.
I’m sure that this is going to be the most difficult phase. Well done though! Its all gonna work out fine, I just hope his gf understands and acts mature about it